Despite the fact that I love to babble on and on in my writing, I’m a pretty reserved person in real life. I am hardly the one to wear my heart on a sleeve…heck even my voice is pretty monotone!

But lately I’ve been a emotional wreck.

Everything ticks me off.

Sappy commercial? Eyes well up in tears. Touching YouTube video? Repeat views. A sad movie or a great book? Open the floodgates, people!

And a few nights ago, J woke to his wife shaking and sobbing on the bed next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s this…stupid…book…”

As he rolled his eyes and recommenced snoring, I managed to muster up enough willpower to finish the book, because I knew the ending would make me cry even more.

That book was The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.

I had seen Dr Pausch’s Last Lecture and heard about the book before it was released. Dr Pausch was a very active member of the association for which I work, having received various awards, citations, and distinctions. I unfortunately never had the pleasure of meeting him, but I did do a bit of marketing work for his now-famous lecture when it was first delivered.

The book was released in early April, but I didn’t read it until now. I think a part of me knew that it would turn me into a sobbing little girl…and so I had tried to hold it off for as long as possible.

Dr Pausch has lived an incredible life. He never made it to the NFL, but he experienced zero gravity at a NASA facility. He has inspired and mentored countless students, helping them find and achieve their dreams (such as the one student who aspired to work on the next Star Wars film at a time when no one could predict if or when episodes 1-3 would be made). He has worked with Adobe, Google, EA, and Disney. He created Alice, and co-pioneered ETC.

Dr Pausch is also dying of pancreatic cancer.

Some of the advice given by Pausch are the type that we’ve heard all our lives. “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

Others hit me hard. One such advice, which he gives to his eighteen-month old daughter (as well as to his sons) for future reference is, “When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.” How true! How many times have I waited by the phone, lost sleep, and shed tears over some smooth-talking jerk who’s all talk and no walk? I only wish someone had told me this sooner.

I smiled as I read the chapter devoted to meeting his wife. I wondered if anyone will ever write me with such love.

I laughed as I read him pouring an entire can of soda all over the backseat of his new car in an effort to ease his niece and nephew’s nervousness.

I bawled as he described the things he would say to his kids, had they been old enough to understand what he said.

I won’t reveal any more. All I can say is that this is a lesson-learning, life-evaluating, life-LOVING book.

Last week, my company hosted its annual awards banquet, where Dr Pausch was among the list of honorees. He was not able to make it to San Francisco, and a representative from Carnegie Mellon accepted the award on his behalf.

I immediately googled Dr Pausch’s prognosis. As of June 26th, he is in slow recovery mode. You can find is blog and health report here.

Forgive me for being a day late – I was not allowed to work last night!

1. Dark Knight Director Shuns Digital Effects for the Real Thing, Wired. When Iron Man came out, there was a great internet debate about which was better: Batman Begins or Iron Man? Many vouched for the new, technologically superior movie superhero, but I voted for the man in the black cape. According to rumors, Dark Knight will be even better than Batman Begins. Oh man oh man! And this article only whets your appetite…
2. Battle of the Philharmonics Brings Hendrix, Gothamist. The Brooklyn Philharmonic vs The New York Philharmonic? You have to feel a bit sorry for the little guys here. But the reigning champs sure did bring it – with a rendition of “Purple Haze”!!!
3. Are You Skilled Enough for the TSA’s “Black Diamond” Security Line? Consumerist. Why didn’t anyone think of this sooner? Oh I am so a black! Which are you?
4. Lego Secret Vault Contains All Sets in History, Gizmodo. Lucky bastards.
5. Star Wars Inspired Furniture: AT-AT Desk by Tomoko Azumi, Apartment Therapy. Anything Star Wars inspired is good for me. Anything Star Wars inspired AND looking this good makes me giddy with pleasure and do the dance of joy.
6. Enable Richer Color Profiles in Firefox 3, End User. I knew I wasn’t seeing things when I upgraded to FF3! The colors ARE a bit more muted! Here’s how to get your colors back…but at a price (10-15% performance drop).
7. Knight Rider GPS with KITT’s Voice! Gizmodo. The geek’s interweb circle was abuzz with this announcement this week, but the Giz boys were the first to break it. What else can I say? Me. :Point: Want. :Grunt:
8. Which SVP at Yahoo Quit Today? TechCrunch. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you should know that the past few weeks have seen a flurry of SVPs leaving Yahoo. Here’s a hilarious online form that makes the resignation letter that much easier to write.
9. Knicks Fill Out Mike D’Antoni’s Coaching Staff, Yahoo Sports. Was it a good idea for Mike to have hired his older brother? I’m hopeful. But then again, I can be foolishly optimistic when it comes to the Knicks. C’mon – let’s undo the damage left by Isiah!
10. 3,800-Piece Death Star Diorama is the Coolest Star Wars Lego Ever, Gizmodo. OH. MY. GAWD.

After my visit to the doctor yesterday my symptoms seemed to get a bit worse. It was most likely all psychosomatic from thinking about it so much, and the hypochondriac’s heaven that is the internet didn’t help at all.

As soon as I got home the accumulated mental exhaustion swept over me and I took a deep nap. J came home with dinner and forced me to eat (I still have no taste on the left side of my tongue and everything tastes a bit funny).

With renewed energy from the food, I began to freak out again.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Bell’s palsy. It’s temporary in most cases, so that’s good. Gawd I hope it’s not Lyme disease…did you know that more than one in four people never get a rash? I have been very tired lately…is it Lyme disease? There’s still a chance that it can be a brain tumor…WHAT IF IT’S A BRAIN TUMOR?!?”

After a bit, J began to get agitated and pretty annoyed with me. He then proceeded to pull an Ah-nold:

“It’s not a tu-muh!!!”

He then sent me straight to bed and refused to let me use my laptop. Bastard. (Hence the no Hump Day Hook-Up post yesterday)

Today my symptoms seemed to have plateaued. At least they didn’t get worse. Thank you for all the messages and wishes (especially Erik, who left me a very encouraging comment!). You’ve all been very encouraging and helpful…except for the one idiot who asked me if I looked like Sloth from The Goonies:

Hardy har har! Very funny! I hate you.

I actually look pretty normal (I think). It’s not a complete paralysis – I haven’t lost total control over my left facial muscles, just some. It’s only when I smile or talk animatedly that you can see a difference. Here’s a shot I took just now with my camera phone:

Crooked smile. One eye just slightly drooping. That’s it.

Other than that, I just have to keep taking my steroids (hmm will I get really buff if I work out?) and be extra careful when eating and drinking so I don’t look like a total R-tard.

I’ll try to write a belated Hook-Ups post later today.

This past Sunday, I noticed some tingling on my left cheek, with some occasional twitches. I ignored it.

Monday through Tuesday, a numbness began to set in and progressively got worse. The entire left side of my face felt a bit dead and heavy. I constantly touched my face and checked mirrors to make sure nothing was drooping. It wasn’t, but it sure did feel that way.

I then noticed that when I smiled, it was lopsided.

Then I began to lose taste on the left half of my tongue, and my left eye was constantly tearing up with no apparent reason.

I think what really got me scared was this morning (Wednesday), when I was having my daily cuppa joe and the hot liquid began to dribble down the left corner of my mouth.

I called more than 10 doctor’s offices, trying to find one who can see me today. Why was everyone on vacation? Why was no one able to see me for at least another week? A receptionist advised, “If I were you dear, I’d run to the nearest emergency room.”

Well, screw that. I’ve heard enough horror stories from friends to know that NYC ER’s are a game of luck and chance. More often than not, you’d need to wait hours before anyone can see you (unless you were severely injured).

I kept calling more doctors, and I finally found one that was taking walk-ins today.

The doctor asked many questions and did a lot of poking. “Don’t worry, it’s probably temporary,” she said. “But just in case…” I held out my arm as she took several tubes of blood for testing.

“Is it serious?” I asked.

“Like I said, it’s probably temporary and will go away on its own.”

Forever the optimist, I implored, “What’s the worst case scenario?”

“Well, it can be Bell’s palsy. Or Lyme disease. An inflamed nerve. Brain tumor….”

She then noticed the horrified look on my face.

“But don’t worry! In the majority of cases like yours, the paralysis will go away on its own. I’ll write you a prescription for steroids to speed up the recovery.”

She told me to call back on Monday to find out the results of the blood tests. If something’s wrong, they will call me first. Great.

Until Monday, you can find me anxiously waiting near a phone. I’ll be the one with half an expressionless mask.

One of my favorite blogs, ColourLovers, posted an entry today titled “The Colors of Global Brand Identities.” As a self-confessed color freak, I naturally found the post utterly titillating and delightful.

Some of the color palettes were immediately recognizable:

If someone had blocked the titles of the above and asked me to name the brand associated with each palette, I would’ve been able to answer immediately.

Others were not so obvious, and I must admit that I was disappointed with myself to not be able to recognize them at first glace:

I was especially bummed to not recognize this instantly:

How many times do I access Google’s main page and use its applications every day? Heck I go to their office so much that people are starting to think I work there. Bad Jenny!

Seeing all these colors in their various hues and shades evoke different brands and images, I wondered to myself: can colors represent people too?

I believe the answer is yes.

For example, I always associate the color baby blue with my friend Jun, because he once went through a phase where he only bought clothes and apparel in that particular shade. For my birthday one year, he bought me a pink hat, scarf, & glove set – he then immediately pulled out the same thing in baby blue, proudly declaring, “Look! We can match!” Personally I think he only bought me the pink set so he’d have an excuse to buy the baby blue one. 

I associate the brown shade of a potato with J, because he’s obsessed with potatoes and Mr Potatohead toys. In addition, one of my favorite sweaters of his is that exact color, and when I picture him, he’s usually wearing that sweater. Brown may seem like a bland, neutral color but that particular shade is very friendly, approachable, fun, and laid-back…just like him!

As for myself, I think of myself as a gray. Not any particular shade of gray, but just gray in general. At first gray evokes a boring feeling. However, I believe that the color gray has the ability to change the most drastically via the addition of other colors. Think about it – there are grays with strong tones of yellow, green, blue, etc. There are cool grays and warm grays. At first glace, simple and a bit boring, but upon further investigation, complex and highly volatile, and sometimes a bit harsh…yep, that’s me.

I associate my mother with deep purple for her proper and impeccable manners. My sister is a sparkly magenta for her full and vibrant personality. My friend Elyse is a pale pink for her beautifully soft voice and femininity. Jessica is a champagne gold for her bubbly and outgoing personality. I can go on and on.

Do you associate a color with yourself or your loved ones?