postmodernbarney.com has a list of movie and television show plot summaries that you will simply not forget. Here are my favorites:
300: Gays kill blacks.
8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.
DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
Sorry my “favorites” list is so long – it was hard to choose just a few because they’re so funny! If you have some spare time and are in need of a good laugh, be sure to read through the entire list.
The comments are full of great suggestions too:
AMELIE: Introverted girl stalks OCD man.
AMERICAN PIE: Apple pie goes bad.
THE DEPARTED: White writers/director takes idea from Chinese cinema and win Oscar.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Brain damage brings lovers together.
FINDING NEMO: After his mother and all of his siblings are brutally murdered, a youngster is kidnapped on his first day of school.
FRIENDS: A divorced paleontologist stalks a high-school crush for 10 years.
GREASE: Innocent new girl in school becomes skank to win popular boyfriend.
THE ITALIAN JOB: Hour and a half Mini Cooper commercial.
JURASSIC PARK: Sex change ruins tourists’ vacation.
KNIGHT RIDER: Man talks to car without Bluetooth
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: Brokeback Mountain for short people.
OFFICE SPACE: Lazy office worker gets away with massive embezzlement with help from an arsonist.
REQUIEM FOR A DREAM: Drugs improve your life if you don’t overdo it.
THE SANDLOT: Neighborhood Gang Terrorizes Blind Man’s Dog.
SERENDIPITY: Fate destroys two happy relationships to create one.
THE SIXTH SENSE: Man refuses to vacate home of woman he is no longer married to, encourages young boy to talk to strangers.
THE USUAL SUSPECTS: Murderer denies guilt, is released.
WILLOW: Dwarf kidnaps, endangers infant