Regressing

Yesterday, I stepped on the scale to find that I had lost 5 lbs in just one week. I know this isn’t healthy, and I really can’t attribute the weight loss to anything but a loss of appetite.

I have never been a thin person because I just love food too much. I am the girl who can polish off a 24 oz steak and then proceed to ask my dinner companions, “Are you going to finish that?” I am the girl who has made multiple runs to Red Lobster just minutes after a commercial pops up on TV (how do they make their commercials look so good?).

But now, food seems unnecessary and inconvenient. Even when I finally find myself craving something, rejoice and set out to satisfy those cravings, I lose the desire after just a bite or two.

It is funny how this baby was an unplanned pregnancy. Having been so independent and detached from human affection all my life, I always considered myself someone who could be perfectly happy without children. In fact, my mother told me that she and my sister had a good laugh when they first heard about the pregnancy because they couldn’t picture me with a baby.

There were even moments during the pregnancy when I asked myself, “Why am I even having this baby? I don’t even like babies.”

Now, a baby is what I want the most in the world.