Dec 16, 2009  •  In Personal

One Single Line

This morning I decided to pee on a stick.

I was so certain I was pregnant again. I had all the symptoms of the first pregnancy: constant nausea, never-ending fatigue, irritability, and sore, swollen boobs.

Nevermind the late period.

Or the fact that J and I had been having consistent unprotected sex for the past two months.

So I peed on a stick. And I waited. And waited some more.

I gave it some extra time, just to make sure that the test would be ready.

I took the test in my hand and looked down, fully expecting to see two lines.

There was only one.

One single pink line, mocking me.

I broke down in tears.

I remember reading that women are extra-fertile in the few months just following a miscarriage.

I guess this is not true in my case. Rather, I want a baby so badly that my body seems to be producing phantom pregnancy symptoms.

8 Responses to “One Single Line”

  1. Lisa:

    Aw hun. There aren’t words for what I would like to say to you right now. Just know that I’m thinking of you and praying for you and J.

  2. Anna:

    So sorry, I can only imagine the disappoitment…best of luck next month.

  3. Cynthia:

    Aww I’ll be praying for you. I had all that same symptoms and recently tested myself and I only had one line too. That one line made me cried. I was hoping to see a double line, in fact I saved the pee stick overnight for a miracle to happen. It’s been almost a year of my miscarriage and still no luck. Anyway I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  4. I’m so sorry. I feel your disappointment. Can’t say I 100% understand, but I get it. Hope you start feeling better soon!

  5. donnasu:

    Jenny, my heart goes out to you. Nothing that I can say can change what you’re going through. Don’t hold anything in and one day, God will bless you and J with another tator tot. I pray for the day that you see double pink lines again and I pray for the day that you hold your baby in your arms.

  6. Jenny, I can’t imagine the pain you must feel after losing a child, but I know the pain of the single HPT line all too well. Keeping you in my thoughts as we both try to grow our families. It WILL happen for you again, I’m sure of it.

  7. I hate that quote – that pregnant women are most fertile in the three cycles after a loss. Hate it. It made each negative test hurt that much more because I was like, "why aren’t *I* more fertile now??" I also noticed that I had more "symptoms" when I wasn’t pregnant – the three times I was, I felt totally normal and was convinced that I wasn’t! You’re in my prayers.

  8. HamiHarri:

    Aww… I’m sorry you didn’t see what you were hoping to see. I pray that the new year will bring youbwhat your heart desires.

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