Jan 8, 2010  •  In Personal

The Baby Dance

Earlier this week I met with my OB to discuss some questions that had been plaguing me; mainly, why the heck can’t I get pregnant again?

Before getting pregnant my periods were like clockwork: every 27 days, lasting 5 days. I think I’ve had only a handful of instances in the past decade where I was late.

Now I have no idea where I’m at. My first period after losing the baby came 36 days after the surgery. The period after that? 41 days. Each were excruciating with extra blood. Remember my bleeding through onto the couch? Well that was nothing compared to the second period where the blood went through a tampon AND a pad, my underwear, and onto my pants every 3-4 hours.

I still haven’t lost the weight I gained from the pregnancy, and while my boobs are definitely softer, they still remain humongous at D-cups. I cringe whenever I see my monstrous bras.

My OB says that this is nothing to worry about, as there is nothing wrong with me physically. Everyone’s body is different and mine is taking a bit longer to adjust.

Then there’s the getting pregnant again part. We’re both relatively young (29 & 31) and healthy. We’ve been having sex regularly. Why haven’t we gotten pregnant yet?

I know, I know — three months is nothing compared to some couples who try for years and years without success. I just never thought that we would be one of those couples.

I never thought I would be one of those women, taking my basal body temperature every day and charting my cycle. I never thought I would become fluent in TTC (trying to conceive) talk:

Since my m/c in October my AF has be really irregular. We do the BD every day but still haven’t gotten a BFP after three months. I’ve been charting my BBT but am too grossed out to check my CM…however, I thought I saw some EWCM the other day. Have I o’d and missed it? Should I take a HPT, or just stock up on OPKs?

I never thought I would hope for every twinge/pain/discomfort to be a sign of ovulation or implantation. I never thought I would look forward to nausea, bloating, gas, and body aches. I never thought I would schedule our social events around my ovulation day. I never thought I would talk to my uterus more than my husband after sex, or prop up my legs and hips after doing the deed so that his little guys don’t have to fight against gravity.

But oh yes. I HAVE BECOME THAT WOMAN.

I realize more and more with each passing day, with every story I read, just how much of a miracle life is, and how blessed those with healthy pregnancies and children are.

Here’s to hoping and praying that we are blessed with a miracle of our own very soon.

8 Responses to “The Baby Dance”

  1. Abbie:

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while. You need to get Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weshler if you haven’t done it yet. I am hoping for you!

  2. I hope 2010 is a better year for you, Jenny! :-) And try not to stress too much about the baby dance. What’s that saying.. that a watched kettle never boils? I’ve heard so many stories of women struggling to conceive when they obsess over it most.. and then getting pregnant when they’re not even planning for it. Whatever approach you take, best of luck! :-)

  3. HamiHarri:

    I’m sorry it’s not happening as quickly as you’d like. I’ve been sending you get preggo vibes!!

    I know charting isn’t for everyone, but I really believe it helped us get pg. I charted for several months before we began to TTC – we also used charting as part of our FAM birth control during thatvtime as well. It could be a pain, but also try to look at it as an oppourtunity to really get to know your body :)

  4. birdie:

    i’ve always admired your openness and honesty about this tough journey. i know exactly how it feels when you want something so badly, but at the same time you can’t have. It is the most frustrating feeling! stay strong! i’m rootin for you!

  5. kay:

    We tried hard for about 3 months, and got pregnant immediately after I stopped charting. I just paid attention to my cervical mucus & we had sex & that was it. Charting always made me freak out and quite frankly didn’t help me a whole lot. However, it might be helpful if it shows that you aren’t ovulating yet (and you might not be, if you’re worried or it’s still too soon after the m/c).

    If checking CM with your fingers weirds you out, you can try just wiping really well and checking the toilet paper. EWCM is very hard to miss – it’s quite abundant, and clear kind of like snot usually. If you aren’t producing it monthly, you may not be ovulating.

    I used Preseed & have heard amazing things about it. It’s lubricant that can aid in sperm mobility. Might give it a try.

    Hoping & praying & sending great thoughts your way <3 Don’t give up!

  6. Fingers crossed for you!

    I used to have ridiculous, heinous periods like that too. It literally made it hard to go about daily life! The pill has made it so much better – not looking forward to the day I come off it.

  7. sorry that this is so frustrating for you :-/ I also never thought I’d be one of those women.. and while I’m not officially yet, I’m pretty sure that if we decide to have kids we will have to go the IVF route, due to some medical issues. (It’s been 2 years without any bc and nothing.. which pretty much confirms this I think) We haven’t made the decision about whether to do it for real or not yet. But it sucks; we are only 28 and 29 and it’s not fun having to think about these things. Sorry you are going through this now too, but hopefully since you did get pregnant once, it will happen for you again. Fingers crossed that it happens soon!

  8. I share your sentiment. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with candor and sensitivity.

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