Feb 20, 2010  •  In Personal, Pregnancy

The Big News

Yes, I am pregnant again. And yes, I started this blog as soon as I found out last month. Please feel free to browse the archives. In the meantime, I’ve decided to answer any questions you might have…

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When did you find out?

I found out on the morning of J’s birthday, on January 27th. I was a bit reluctant to take the test, because I had taken one three days earlier to receive a big fat NEGATIVE. I was not having any symptoms, and our sexcapades had been off that month due to his crazy work hours and subsequently falling ill. I was certain that we had missed our window of opportunity and chalked up my late period to another irregular cycle.

But I decided to take one anyway, because a positive test would make a great birthday present, no?

Boy was I surprised to see the line starting to appear as soon as I finished peeing. It was faint, but definitely there.

How did you react?

I ran to our bed to show J (who was just starting to wake up), and as soon as he confirmed the line, I started bawling my eyes out.

I was SO. DAMN. INCREDIBLY. HAPPY.

J’s reaction was a lot more reserved. Later, he would joke that the baby had stolen his thunder (“It’s supposed to be my day!”).

How far along are you?

I am approximately seven and a half weeks along. The baby is due October 4th.

Have you been to a doctor yet? What did she say?

We had our trip to the ER last week, and our first OB appointment yesterday, and they say that everything looks perfect.

Most doctors will not see you until you’re 8-12 weeks along. Because of my last pregnancy ending in a miscarriage, I had the option of going in earlier for monitoring and additional testing.

However, before the 6-7 week mark, there really isn’t much that a doctor can do for you aside from confirm the pregnancy. Sure, they can test to make sure that your hCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels are doubling every 2-3 days, and to see if your progesterone levels are within normal range. However, even if something were to be problematic, there isn’t much they can do for you so early in the pregnancy.

Heck, there still isn’t much that the doc can do for me if the baby were to be in trouble again. But at this point, I knew that I would at least be able to see a heartbeat on the ultrasound.

What made you decide to tell now?

Some may say I’m making the announcement too early, that it’s bad luck and/or I’m setting myself up for disappointment again.

Some may wonder why I decided to wait so long after finding out to announce.

You can’t please everyone!

My personal reason for not announcing right away is fear. With my last pregnancy, I started having symptoms before getting the positive test result at 4 weeks. I am currently midway through my 7th week and have had hardly any symptoms aside from constant fatigue.

There is also the fact that the past two weeks have been so hard on me, both physically and mentally. I really wasn’t sure the baby would make it!

For this reason, I wanted to wait until my first appointment to confirm that I am, in fact, pregnant, and that the baby is doing well.

But still…aren’t you scared that you’ll miscarry again?

Of course I am. In fact, J wasn’t sure I should announce before the second trimester.

One thing I learned in the miscarriage support groups is that there is no safe zone. You can’t imagine how many women lose their babies well into their 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Then there are possible complications at birth, and nevermind SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome)! 

After seeing the heartbeat, a woman’s chance of a miscarriage is at 4%. After passing the 12 week mark, it is 2%. To me, the difference in odds is not significant enough to warrant the extra month-long wait.

Some people admit that seeing a woman announce her pregnancy before the customary 12 weeks makes them uncomfortable. I do not see why this should be so — the choice is personal for everyone and they should not be made guilty for wanting to share their good news. I see this akin to people who become uncomfortable with the mention of a miscarriage. The topic is so taboo in our culture that it sickens me. While some may choose to grieve in private, others (like me) need and appreciate the support of friends and family.

Doctors estimate that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Some say that the number is even higher — one in three — and that many women do not even know they were pregnant because they miscarry so early.

I already beat the odds once by miscarrying so late into my first trimester. If I were to lose this baby as well, God surely had a good reason. All I can do is stay faithful.

What did you do differently this month to get pregnant?

I believe that one of the worst things you can say to a woman who is trying to get pregnant is “just relax” or “just let it happen.” You can’t understand how frustrating that is to someone who is longing to achieve something that millions of women apparently have no problem doing.

Some say that stress can hinder your TTC (trying to conceive) efforts. I call bullshit. I have read many reports stating that the only way stress can affect your reproductive cycle is if there is lots and LOTS of it.

When I admitted in January that I had started charting my basal body temperature in addition to trying other fertility tips, some people told me that I needed to chill out. Because surely only crazy, desperate women do those things!

It was only through charting that I realized I was ovulating late. It was only through extensive research and being a part of online TTC communities that I became well-aware of the numerous options that would increase my fertility.

I am now more comfortable than ever with my body and reproductive cycle. And when the time comes to start TTC again, I know exactly what to do and what to expect.

Will geekinheels.com turn into a baby blog?

One thing that pained me very much was seeing so many of my friends blogging/Twittering/Facebook-ing about their pregnancies and babies after losing a baby of my own.

So many of my readers have reached out to me following my miscarriage sharing stories of their own. Many more wrote to me when I announced we were TTC again, confessing of their own TTC woes.

And as a woman who waited 4 months to see a positive on a pregnancy test (which I know isn’t that bad compared to others who wait years), I know how much it can hurt to see baby-this and pregnancy-that on a site you read regularly. So I decided to create a new blog — this one — to chronicle this journey. Big announcements/milestones will be shared on the main blog, but this will be updated with the day-to-day stuff.

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Do you have any other questions? Leave a comment, and I’d be happy to answer them!

15 Responses to “The Big News”

  1. M:

    I don’t know you, but came across your blog while reading someone else’s… I’m SO incredibly happy for you and your family. I even told my husband your great news because I started tearing and he was like… "Who is this person? Do we know them?" When I told him that I didn’t, he thought I was weird. Anyway, good luck!

  2. jessica:

    do you have any names in mind?
    how many children do you want to have?

  3. (Quoting Mean Girls) "Don’t let the haters get you DOWWWWNN"

    Some people have big, fat, hurtful opinions that really should be kept to themselves. No one wants to have someone spill sour juice all of their happy news – I had it too, in comments and emails, from people I would have expected better from and consequently cut ties with. (Funny note: without exception, the people hating on early announcements for ‘miscarriage’ reasons have, without exception, never gone through one themselves)

    I, for one, am ecstatic for you. I’ve been where you were, twice, and I think every pregnancy should be celebrated – even though none of us are fortune-tellers and know what the future will bring. Being happy now does NOT bring misery later. Announcing a pregnancy will not make you miscarry, just as hiding it will not save a pregnancy that wasn’t meant to be.

    CONGRATULATIONS.

    I hope this makes sense – I’m sick and my head is foggy today.

    *hugs*

  4. mindy:

    unni!!! congratulations!!!
    you are, as always, well versed in your research… I feel as if i’m retaking embryology class again!!! :D
    I’m so happy for you and J both – congrats!

  5. I’m sooooo happy for you guys!!! Congratulations! I will keep you, J and little baby in my prayers. Hooray!!! This is such great news Jenny!!!

  6. Congratulations!!! I got sucked into your blog because of the honest way you wrote about your miscarriage. I also have (in)fertility issues so I could relate with a lot of your emotions… but, despite my own issues I am always so happy to read about pregnancies of those who’ve had difficulty TTC – it gives me hope that it could happen to me, too :) So happy for you and your husband – what a great gift for you both! I look forward to reading more about your journey!

  7. S:

    Wow, I’m so happy for you! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and know you’ve been through hard times last year. But this is so wonderful news! Don’t stress too much, just enjoy this pregnancy!

  8. i am SO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH :) :) congratulations :D :D

  9. Mazel! As an October 5 baby myself, I say you’re bound to have a lovely little Libra, hee hee. Such exciting and wonderful news.

  10. Congratulations, Jenny!!! So happy for you!

  11. Woooo! My sincerest congratulations, Jenny! I am so, so incredibly happy for you!

  12. c:

    congrats on your pregnancy. i’ve been following your blog since before you’ve gotten engaged. is that creepy? haha. i am also expecting but my baby is due in august. i’ve never commented on your blog before but i really wanted to say how happy i am for you. good luck. have a happy & healthy 9 months.

  13. Geek in Heels:

    @Jessica —

    Sorry, J wants to keep our baby names a secret!

    As for the number of children, I want two but J wants three. I "compromised" by telling him that if the first two are the same sex I’ll go for a third. :-)

  14. Esther S.:

    My daughter’s birthday is Oct 4th also. We call her our angel bc when you look at the numbers written out, it’s — 1004 aka chunsa in korean. Aww… I’m so happy for you!! Take care and enjoy the pregnancy! :)

  15. Michelle:

    Everything you just wrote, sounded exactly 100% identical to my thoughts and experiences. You are an inspiration. Are you sure your not hacking into my mind??? Lol just kidding!

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