Jun 26, 2010  •  In Baby, Personal, Relationships

Fathers and Daughters

Ever since I got pregnant I have been encouraging J to go out and spend more time with his friends. I figure that his days of partying will be cut back significantly once the baby arrives, so I like for him to enjoy his last “free” days and get it out of his system as much as possible.

Although I admit that I occasionally get annoyed to find a loud, boisterous, and/or hungover husband, I am okay for the most part because I’m glad that he had a good time. Sometimes he will regale me with long-winded, ridiculous stories that only a fellow drunk could comprehend and I’ll try my best to look understanding while laughing inside. Other times he will come home reeking of alcohol but I don’t have the heart to reprimand him because he will be soooo happy to see me — enough so that he gives the dog’s “omgomgomg I’m so happy you’re home!” greetings a run for their money.

And once in a while, he will tell me things that he normally wouldn’t under sober circumstances.

Last night was one of those nights. While he recapped his night out in-between drunk sloppy kisses and vigorous belly rubs, he made a confession that threw me off my feet.

“I love our daughter already; I really do. But sometimes I get really sad that we’re not having a boy.”

He continued on to describe how jealous he was of his friends who had sons, who continually post on Facebook or send email updates doing “boy” activities together.

“You know you can do all those things with our daughter, right?” I consoled him. “You have my full permission to turn her into a tomboy or a daddy’s little girl. Besides, we can always try for a boy later.”

That seemed to satisfy him for the time being, and he quickly moved on to another subject. However, I couldn’t help but silently dwell on his confession.

Coincidentally, the majority of J’s buddies (guy friends with whom he can talk about parenthood) have sons. So while he has women friends who have daughters, there isn’t anyone he can really relate to, nevermind talk to, about being a father to a daughter.

As I have written previously, I too was disappointed to find out that we were having a girl. But that disappointment has turned to joy as fellow moms told me stories of the incomparable bonds that exist between mothers and daughters.

I’m sure that J is not the only father who has expressed disappointment at expecting a girl over a boy. However, I also know that the vast majority of these fathers become inexplicably attached and fall heads-over-heels in love with their daughters once they are born. As such, I am hoping the same for him.

But in the meantime, is there anything I can do to help him be more excited at the prospect of having a daughter? Do my readers have any suggestions?

5 Responses to “Fathers and Daughters”

  1. It’s so funny, because when we went to our first ultrasound, the doctor asked us if we wanted to know the sex, of course we said yes. Well when the doc said we were having a boy, the hubs was disappointed. He wanted a girl sooooo bad.
    Even I wanted a girl. Don’t get me wrong we are super excited about having a baby boy… but I will miss out on the dressing up and playing doll.

    But once she comes, your husband will go crazy for the love and bond he will have with his daughter. Who knows, maybe #2 will be a boy. And plus, I had GI Joes, hotwheels and played sports with my dad (he had 4 girls) so maybe she will want to do stuff with just dad. I think the sentiment is only normal. But he will experience something completely different that his guy friends with sons won’t ;)

  2. Becky:

    Even though we aren’t even TTC yet, I think my husband will have the same kind of sentiment towards having a boy. He comes from an entire family of boys…he has older 3 brothers. There aren’t many young children in his family but his two cousins who have children have two boys each. The only girl is his niece – you may think, well there’s a connection but we live on the east coast and his brother is the AZ desert in a pretty remote town. His brother is divorced and has custody but eeks by with a very meager living and can never afford to visit. When he does, every 4-5 years, my in-laws foot the entire bill and lets just say that he hasn’t exactly been a model citizen so he isn’t much of a role model in any sense to my husband for that father/daughter bond. It’ll be very interesting to bring another child into this family because all that comes along with children is a very foreign concept that they have yet to be closely connected to. My MIL will be head over heels no matter what, my FIL, he grew up shortly after the depression era and today would sooner dumpster dive and mickey mouse parts, tools and projects than spend a dime on anything. I’m sure baby stuff will be a complete shock to him.

    I think once baby arrives your husband will forget all about boy activities and find another unique bond in having a "daddy’s girl."

  3. I think it’s great that he’s being honest with you about his desire to have a son. I don’t think anything you’re going to do/say while pregnant will really help. I think it’s gonna be something he’s going to have to experience to understand. My dad had two daughters and told my husband when we found out it was a girl that, "There is NOTHING like having a baby girl…" he always had my boy cousins & mine and my sister’s boyfriends to substitute as sons – and he was satisfied with that.

    If he’s really super upset about not having a boy, I would advise him to volunteer for Boys and Girls Club of America or a local residential program for troubled adolescents & children. They need mentors CONSTANTLY to take them to ballgames, show them how to behave appropriately, etc. It could be a great way for him to get some energy out, plus it would be an activity that would should gratefulness & humbleness instead of greed. I’m sure the boys out there needing positive role models would LOVE to have him brag about them to his friends & many of the boys (children AND teenagers) are extremely fun to be around & can lighten up your day! :)

  4. Emily:

    My husband has told me many, many times, he doesn’t want girls. He’s even told me he’d rather have all boys. That he’ll be disappointed if we have a girl. It’s frustrating. I find myself hoping we don’t have a girl first so i don’t have to deal. All his friends have boys, too, so it’s just going to be one of those things. Sigh!

  5. i’m trying to think of a movie you two could rent that has a touching father-daughter relationship…i’m guessing father of the bride would be a little too cheesy? hm let me think.

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