Aug 12, 2010  •  In Baby, Parenting, Personal, Shopping

Registry Judging [Rant]

This is a yet another post on mommy wars, specifically topic #4276: registries.

With our baby shower less than a month away, J and I have been putting the finishing touches on our registries. In my studies of review sites and message boards for advice, I have come across many women who seem to have problems with others’ baby registries.

Really?

Once again I’m forced to wonder: like mommies don’t judge each other enough already!

So herein lie the registry-related debates and my thoughts on them…

1.) Is it proper etiquette to have more than one registry?
I believe so. We decided to register at two different stores because not every store carries the items we want, and certain retailers sell different items at cheaper prices. Plus, with two registries we give our friends and family the option of shopping at the retailer of their choice (whether it be due to location, sales, coupons, etc).

2.) Is it okay to have expensive items on your registry?
We have some high-priced items on our registry (I believe the most expensive item is the Medela Breast Pump at $279.99) but we have plenty of small, less than $20 items too. Do we expect our friends and family to buy us the expensive items? No. I actually expect them not to! The main reason we decided to put the more expensive items on there is for the registry completion discounts we will receive. But hey, if someone, or a group of people, decide to purchase them for us, that’s great too!

3.) Why don’t you have _____ on your registry? Don’t you know you’ll need that?
How do you know we don’t have it already?

4.) Why do you have _____ on your registry? I found it to be a complete waste of money!
Just because you found it useless doesn’t mean everyone does.

I felt like I was getting married all over again, seeing all these judgmental women bickering over things that will never affect their own lives!

Personally, I have never judged anyone for their registry — wedding or baby. I do not know why a couple wants that $100 serving platter, nor do I really care to find out. All I know is that they chose to include it on a list of items they would like, and if I can afford it, I will buy it for them.

I also don’t “get” people who are vehemently against registries either…I understand that some may see registries as products of a greedy consumeristic society, and if you choose not to have a registry for whatever reason, that’s totally fine. But if you want to gift someone for their upcoming wedding or baby, why not purchase an item off the registry? Why not get them something that you know they need or want?

I now step off my soapbox and leave the comments open for debate. What is your thought on gift registries? Have you ever found yourself judging someone based on their registry?

9 Responses to “Registry Judging [Rant]”

  1. Beth:

    I LOVE registries because I like knowing that I'm getting someone something THEY like and will USE. I generally get something off the registry in my price range, and then a little something extra off the registry for that "personal" touch (depending on how close I am to the recipient). But seriously, registries are great!

  2. Nani:

    Its amazing how much women will judge each other one things they have/don't have done/have not done. It's INSANE. Especially online. Believe me, it's not over soon you will have the whole formula feeding vs. breastfeeding and people who choose to carry their child vs. stroller.

    Women (mothers especially) can be our own worst enemy, it's just SAD. I don't get it, who does it benefit? As long as your baby is healthy and happy it's all good with me.

    Onto the registry, we actually registered at a few different places for the same reason. Also I used my registry to be like a to get list for myself as well. Did I expect everyone to buy them? hell no, I wasn't even expecting a shower at that point. I just wanted a to buy list so we can slowly pick up things for the munchkin. I don't judge on what people put on their registry I mean, it doesn't mean I am going to get/buy that item if it's too much etc.

    Yes there are alot of items we never used or were a waste of money, but i think every child is different. Certain things Sae Loved/Hated other kids had the opposite reaction entirely.

  3. Eek565:

    This made me laugh. We registered for baby/ wedding shower gifts because people didn't know what we needed. But I also loved it when people got us gifts that weren't on the registry. Some of them were very thoughtful.

    I'll admit to judging other people's registry selections. But only in cases where it is warranted. Such as the real life registry item of a fuzzy green toilet set cover. Consider yourself judged!

  4. JenG:

    I love registries! Especially for people that I may not be THAT close to. It helps guide gift giving at the very least, if not get them something they want specifically. I hate it when couples/new parents don't register because it makes gift buying more difficult. I have been guilty of judging someones registry, but I usually keep it to myself or share with my husband. I don't understand bashing someone based on what they've registered for. It's hateful and rude to actually tell that person that you hate what they chose.

  5. ey:

    Unrelated, but I just stumbled across your RevitaLash post (from the "see also:" section at the bottom of this post) but I couldn't find any followup. Just wondering how it ended up working for you??

  6. ABC:

    I judged a wedding registry recently–still judging it even though they are married, if I'm honest! My reason for judging? There was hardly anything practical or in my price range on the registry. I ended up getting her mismatched towels (She wasn't registered for matching ones…just a hodge podge!) for the wedding and bought off the registry for the shower (something I have sworn against time and time again!).

    My husband and I are young, both working, but also paying off student loan debt, and it's just not in our budget to buy place settings from 2 different types of china, stoneware goblets and crystal at $80/each or silver place settings that cost more than our ENTIRE silverware collection. We registered for several expensive things, and received a few! But we were intentional to put plenty on our registry in a variety of price ranges. We knew a lot of our college friends would want to get us something, but would be on tight budgets, so we kept that in mind when we registered.

    This girl seemed only able to scan things at $50+, and with 5 or 6 weddings a year (plus corresponding showers), we just can't spend that much on a single gift.

  7. I had a baby registry, too, and like you, registered at two different places, giving people options. We had big-ticket items on the registry, and we were actually very lucky that grandparents and great-grandparents helped with those items.

    I'm with you – I'd never judge someone based on what they did or didn't register for. It's nitpicky, and how on earth do I know if they will or won't use it? My *only* gripe, however, is that I ended up getting boatloads of clothes instead of stuff I actually registered for. On one hand, the baby will never be naked, but on the other, I don't need a pair of overalls with tractors all over them (not my style, anyway), and would much prefer the receiving blankets I know I registered for.

  8. Rhey:

    I like seeing a registry because even if I decide to go "off registry" with my gift, I get a better idea of what colors they are using or if they are going all-natural-organic-cloth or not. Just because someone has a registry does not obligate you to buy only from the list.

  9. Gawd, like I said, in my post on baby junk, I really dislike that baby paraphernalia is yet another way for people to judge, whether it be the registry, what's in it, or how many you have. I'm with you, who cares? I don't. But I think some people are naturally hyper competitive or nosey or know-it-alls. It must be tiring.

    I will have a registry full of random junk, and may include some cigarettes and a bottle of Scotch just for kicks.

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