Aug 24, 2010  •  In Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships, Star Wars

Six Random Thoughts

The Geek in Heels household is in a bit of disarray at the moment. J is sick. I am still suffering from insomnia (and am a walking zombie as a result). I sent Comang to stay with my sister for a couple of days while we try to recover and we’re missing him dearly. And I have a gazillion thoughts running through my head at all times…

So I figured, why not write about some of these thoughts?

1.  My hair smells like perm chemicals and I like it. I can’t stand most perfume scents, but I have never had a problem with perm chemicals. Or the smell of gasoline. Why am I so weird? (I’ll try to post pictures of my new hair tomorrow. I don’t want to take a picture today because I can’t wash my hair for at least 24 hours and so it’s a royal mess right now.)

2.  I think I have gone to the bathroom more than 20 times today. And I can’t remember the last time I had a long, satisfying pee.

3.  I want to cry whenever I see our guest room, which is currently overflowing with boxes and bins and is a complete mess. We can’t move anything down to our storage unit until our condo’s management company cashes our first check, and they confirmed this morning that they still haven’t received it. I hate that our management company always takes forever to sort their mail and only goes to the bank once in a while to cash checks. We can’t do ANYTHING to the nursery until this stuff is moved out.

4.  Seeing this made me smile today, because I just know that J will give all boys a hard time when it comes to our daughter:

5.  My mom calls me every day, sometimes several times a day, to see how I’m doing. On one hand, I want to scream, “WE WILL LET YOU KNOW IF ANYTHING’S HAPPENING.” On the other, I’m grateful because she’s the only one who calls me regularly. I have turned into the lonely pregnant woman again and I’ve been really down lately. I do not know anyone else in real life who is pregnant, and most of my girlfriends are still single. So far, only about 5 people have RSVPed “yes” to the baby shower and they are all family members. (And I know that it may seem like I’m sad no one will buy us gifts, but I honestly don’t care if we do not receive any gifts…I’m just sad that so few people seem to want to come celebrate the baby with us.) I have been trying to make some new friends whose lives are at similar stages as mine, but it’s difficult when even walking around is physically painful. Pity party for one, please.

6.  I realize that the majority of these thoughts are negative ones where I am complaining and/or b*tching. I apologize for this — I’ve just been so tired, cranky, and emotional lately. I took pride in myself through the pregnancy for not turning into a crazy pregnant lady who takes everything too personally and cries over every little thing, but it seems that the stereotype has finally caught up with me in the past month or so. All I can do is tell myself to keep looking forward, and stay strong for our little girl.

12 Responses to “Six Random Thoughts”

  1. baeshinja:

    stay strong! if i knew your IRL i'd def be at your baby shower! ;) serious.

  2. Pam:

    it's hard especially in the last weeks or so to feel antsy about little things (and big things!). the feeling of not having "normal" control of your feelings and body is tough, like the peeing all the time feeling got on my nerves. i know i'm probably repeating what alot of people say but, hang in there and try to enjoy all the time you have on your hands now. :)

  3. I totally relate to #2 – even though I'm not going 20 times yet, they are never satisfying, which is so disappointing considering how bad I think I have to go.

  4. Christine:

    Don't be sad about your baby shower. I'm in the same boat. I pretty much only have family coming to my baby shower and only have 3 friends outside of my family (I'm just one of those people that would rather have fewer, high quality friends vs. a bunch of so-so friends). You're the only person I can look to for pregnancy things. As I'm going through my own pregnancy, I flip back to your weekly updates to see if my little baby is progressing and if my bump is similar in size and shape.

    Think about it this way: if you had a virtual baby shower, your party would be full of your online buddies!

    As for your mother calling you… I'm the other way around. I'm the lonely pregnant woman who calls my mom about 4-5 times a day because I have no one to talk to. It's sad.

    And going back to your nursery, don't feel bad about it. We have a five bedroom home (I live in Texas, so homes are huge and ridiculously cheap), but my baby has no nursery. He will be sleeping in our room for the first year. When we bought and furnished our home, we forgot to leave one room empty, so every single room is decked out with bedroom furniture, theme, etc. We may be moving in the next year or so, so we figured keeping the "nursery" in our bedroom for the first year would be okay. (The baby is not sleeping in our bed though!)

    Cheer up! I hope the insomnia goes away soon. When I can't sleep, I read my old text books from school. Works like a charm. LOL!

  5. No advice, just BIG HUGS!

  6. stacey:

    if i knew you/lived on the same coast i'd come to your baby shower! i'm a weddingbee reader who followed you over here and i admire you greatly – a strong Christian with a dog and a baby on the way. :) i wish i could be as secure in my faith as you are!

  7. Hugs, girl! I know it seems overwhelming: the hormones, loneliness, roadblocks, but it'll all pass. Like everything else. The rental company will cash the check and you'll soon get to fix up your nursery. Perhaps you'll get so tired at some point you'll do nothing but sleep, curing your insomnia. In terms of the loneliness, you have your mom…AND US! Being left out is no fun, but having a very large cyber support system surely helps, non? If we were closer, I'd come to your shower and give you a bunch of Etsy gifts! When is your shower?

  8. Geek in Heels:

    Aww thank you everyone for your kind words! I'm sitting here reading your comments with tears welling in my eyes!

    @baeshinja — If I knew you IRL I would totally invite you to the shower!

    @Pam — I'm doing the best I can to enjoy these last few weeks before she comes, but all I seem to be doing is succeeding in stressing myself out! I'm really hoping that this is a bump in the road and that I'll become more calm as the due date approaches.

    @Stephanie Michele — I like to think that I have a huge bladder and have always had great bladder control, even through most of the pregnancy…until just a couple of weeks ago. Now I have to go ALL the time and I swear that the baby sometimes plays stress ball with my bladder!

    @Christine — Your sentence "You're the only person I can look to for pregnancy things" made me tear up. Seriously! Thank you so much! And I'll keep the tip about reading old textbooks in mind…I definitely have tons of old boring books leftover from college!

    @Carly — You're too sweet! :-)

    @stacey — If you lived closer I would invite you! Thank you so much for what you said about me…I feel like I'm not as strong in my faith as I can be (but then again, can anyone?) but this baby is giving me extra motivation to be a better soldier for Christ, knowing that I want to be a good example, a good Christian mother, and that I want to raise her in the church.

    @Creature Gorgeous — I should have mentioned in the post that if it weren't for online pregnant friends (like YOU) I would feel completely alone. I know I don't comment too much on your blog but I love reading your updates and I'm so glad that we could be pregnant together. :-) And to answer your question, the shower is Sept 12…I'll be 37 weeks then and I'm really hoping that I don't go before then!

  9. Helene HT:

    don't be upset 'cos u'r not alone. and there're always 2 sides of a story. in fact, reading ur blog everyday makes me so envious especially when i'm still crammed like sardine every morning in the subway while going to work with this 30-week giant belly >,,-

  10. Uh oh….I feel bad right now. A few of our couple friends here in the city are having kids (one of them is a good friends that I spend itme with from time to time) and I was just thinking that we need some new couple friends now. Most of my good friends are either in serious long-term relationships, married, not married at all (or even in a relationship) BUT many of them don't live here. I guess I am on the opposite side of the fence looking into the situation. For the woman who is my good friend, part of me doesn't know what to do after her child is born. I think the idea of spending time with me would be frivolous and not worth her time (she is a busy Phd student). I sense that many mothers want to spend as much with their kids as possible, so why spend it with me? Does that make sense?

    Anyway, I think I am going to be a lonely pregnant lady and mother because even though I don't really know how I feel about our culture around children.

  11. ((Hugs!)) And I like the smell of gasoline as well – weird!

  12. I'm sorry you're feeling isolated. It can be hard to be the only one going through the experience when everyone else isn't

    That being said, everyone around me is having babies and getting married, so.. LOL

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