Last night at around 6:30pm I started getting painful contractions which continued to get longer, more frequent, and increased in intensity. At about 8:30 I called my doctor who told me that there’s no way to really tell if I’m in labor or not unless I go into the hospital, but also warned me that since I am a first time mom and I was only 1cm dilated the day before, there’s a chance that I am just having false labor.

I had a hunch that I was really in labor, since I had had my membranes stripped the day before and had been passing my bloody show for about 24 hours. Plus, while I had been having painful braxton-hicks contractions for months now, these contraction pains were different and much stronger.

We decided to wait an hour more, and when the contractions had been lasting 1 minute each and 2-3 minutes apart for that period, we decided to head into labor & delivery.

They hooked me up to the machines to do a non-stress test and checked my cervix…I was dismayed to find that I was STILL only 1cm dilated!

They confirmed that I was having contractions, but since the baby didn’t seem to be in any kind of distress, and because I was only 1cm dilated with no signs of progress, they sent me home. The nurse actually advised me to labor at home for as long as possible, even if my water breaks (since I tested negative for all infections, etc), so that my labor time at the hospital will be minimal.

The funny thing is, while hooked up to the machines at the hospital, my contractions started to decrease in frequency but increased on the pain scale. By the time we returned home I was barely able to walk/talk through them. I was exhausted after a couple of hours of continuing to time them, so I decided to head to bed thinking “How will I ever be able to sleep through this?”…

…then woke up 2 hours later with almost no contractions.

So was this false labor? Should I keep my hopes up that the contractions will return soon, or am I back at square one?

I wish my water would just break so I would KNOW if I’m in labor or not.

P.S. — While checking my cervix the nurse told me that she could feel the baby’s head. Freaky!

I may be married to a Chinese guy, but I still play it pretty safe when it comes to Chinese cuisine and can be somewhat of a dumbass when it comes to Chinese dishes. This flowchart, which can be downloaded in PDF format, would come in handy for people like me.

P.S. — I still can’t eat chicken feet.

Via Neatorama.

So the sweeping of the membranes seemed to have done something. I had some cramps after the procedure but ignored them (as I have been having cramps for the past couple of weeks) and took a short nap. When I woke up to pee, I noticed some blood on my underwear.

No reason to panic, since the doctor had warned that I might have some spotting. As as long as it’s not bright red and/or gushing, I had nothing to worry about.

It was only when I wiped that things got interesting. Was that…my MUCOUS PLUG? A bloody mucous plug at that.

Wait, I had read about this. Mucous plug + blood = bloody show.

I immediately turned to my pregnancy books and the powers of the interweb for their wisdom and advice about the bloody show. While some women lose their mucous plugs weeks before labor with no further progress, it seems that the bloody show is a slightly better indicator of things to come. 50% of women go into labor within 24 hours of passing their bloody show, “most” (whatever the heck that means) will go into labor within 3 days, while others can hang on for another week or two.

(And as if I needed more discouragement, OMGmom chimed in and told me that she went another two weeks after passing her bloody show. Thanks, Mandy!)

Needless to say I got pretty excited. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I’m sincerely hoping that I’ll be in the lucky 50% who goes into labor soon after passing their bloody show.

And to further entice my body, I vacuumed the house, prepared 순두부찌개 (soondubu jjigae, or Korean spicy tofu soup) for dinner and made it extra spicy, and even ignored my hip pains to go on a looooong walk, perhaps the most exercise I’ve gotten in months.

I will also be seducing my husband as we head to bed.

“But what if I don’t want to do it?”

“Too bad. I’ll rape you.”

“I’m scared.”

(To be completely honest, I have to give J mad props for continuing to have sex with me in my heavily pregnant state. I know it can’t be the most comfortable or reassuring thing in the world, nor can he be very much attracted to the whale that his wife has transformed into. So thanks, hubs!)

I will be sure to keep you all updated on my progress, or lack thereof. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that the baby will make her appearance soon!

P.S. — Isn’t it funny how just a year ago, Dooce blogged about losing her mucous plug and created such a “omg that was way too TMI” stir in the blogosphere? Now, here I sit, blogging about passing my bloody show. I’m sure people will find this offensive too.

P.P.S. — After I emailed my sister about what happened, she replied, “Bloody show? They really can’t think of a better name than that?”

I knew that I had to share this story with my readers as I totally teared up while reading it earlier today. (But then again, what doesn’t get me emotional these days? I cried while watching the newest episode of House last night.)

As my readers can testify, pregnancy is not all about unicorns farting rainbows. Take the case of Shirley Sirivong, who, after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes, complete placenta previa, and incompetent cervix, was put on bed rest and a strict diet consisting of bland and dull food.

In order to liven up her meals and bring some cheer to her monotonous routine, Shirley’s husband Gat began to make funny faces out of boiled egg and toast. From then on, the food art started to become more elaborate, imaginative, and fun…

These are just a few of the beautiful, diabetic-friendly breakfasts that Gat created for Shirley. You can view 19 of the dishes at Parenting.com.

Shirley has now been on bed rest for 3 months. She is due on December 19 and they’re expecting a boy. Best wishes to Shirley, Gat, and the baby!

Via Miss Cellania.

This morning I had my weekly OB visit and whined to the doctor how miserable I have been feeling lately. While sympathetic, the only advice she could offer was nothing I hadn’t heard/read before (move around as much as possible, take Tylenol or a hot bath for the pain, “It could be any day now!”).

She gave me a cervical check to see if I am progressing at all, and I was sorely disappointed to learn that I am only 1cm dilated and 40% effaced.

“That’s it?!?” I wanted to yell. “Then why does it feel like this baby is between my knees???”

The doctor then proceeded to strip my membranes in hopes of speeding up the process some. If you do not know what stripping of the membranes entails, here is a visual:

Basically, the doctor uses a finger to separate the bag of water from the side of the uterus near the cervix. The process is believed to release hormone-like substances called prostaglandins, which help to ready your body for labor. If the woman is truly near delivery, she often gets contractions as a result of the procedure.

Although stripping membranes is not considered a form of induction, the hope is that it is a form of stimulation of labor. Done too early, it has no effect, but if the body is nearly ready anyway, it can give a little jump-start to the labor process and often leads to labor within 48 hours.

If you read about the process online, most sources will say something along the lines of, “Some women may find this procedure uncomfortable.”

That is the biggest understatement I’ve heard all pregnancy.

For me, stripping of the membranes felt like the doctor had shoved a paint scraper up my vagina and did a 360 sweep of my cervix using the corners of said scraper. I was wincing and squirming in pain the entire time — the procedure itself probably only took about 30 seconds, but it felt like 30 minutes.

Later, J was to tell me that from where he was standing, it looked like the doctor had shoved her entire hand up my hoo-ha to wrestle around with my lady bits and that’s why I looked to be in so much pain.

We left the doctor’s office after making next week’s appointment, sincerely hoping that there will not be a next week’s appointment.

But if I haven’t gone into labor by then, and we end up having that 40th week appointment, I will surely be asking to have my membranes stripped again. If 30 seconds of intense pain is what will help me go into labor, then by golly I will take it!