Jun 8, 2011  •  In Baby, Claire, Motherhood, Parenting, Personal

Working With Nature

A few weeks ago, I was shocked to discover some tan spots on Claire’s scalp. They varied in size from a eighth of an inch to half an inch in diameter. The coloring looked similar to how one’s skin looks as a cut/scrape heals, so I immediately checked to see if they were results of injuries. They were not.

The spots are flat and do not wash out with water and soap. They do not seem to bother her at all, so I am pretty certain that they are birthmarks — café au lait spots, to be more specific — which I did not notice prior to that day due to her hair. (I will be bringing them up at her next pediatrician appointment, just to be certain.) I suspect that I was only able to see them this time because we were out in the sun. Even then, they’re hard to spot unless you’re actually seeking them out.

The spots are hardly noticeable, especially with her dark hair covering them.

My first thought at discovering these birthmarks was, ‘Thank goodness they’re on her scalp and covered by her hair!’

…And I immediately felt guilty for having this thought. Because as a mother, aren’t I supposed to love and accept my daughter exactly how she is, imperfections and all?

But the more I thought about it, the more complicated the issue seemed to become.

At what point does a parent intervene with nature, i.e. the way you were born, to help ensure the best possible life and opportunities for your children?

Because as much as I hate to admit it, we live in a world where one’s looks count a lot more than we would like. We also live in an unjust world where more attractive people are generally treated better and afforded greater opportunities.

There’s also the fact that kids can be extra cruel. I myself endured tons of teasing growing up and would wish nothing but the opposite for my children.

So if those spots were someplace more conspicuous, like on her face, I would not be opposed to having them treated and/or removed later on in her life (but only if she wished to do so).

And — because I make it no secret that I myself have had cosmetic surgery and am not ashamed of it — I would not be opposed to her having the same surgery if she wishes, as long as she is past the age of 18 and is certain that she wants it.

Let’s make one thing clear: I do not love my daughter any less for having the spots, not having a double eyelid, etc. Nor would I love her any more if she did not have the spots or had double eyelids. I would merely not be opposed to her getting these cosmetic procedures done if it would make her happier, more confident, and may lead to an easier life.

J, on the other hand, is vehemently against altering your natural self. I still remember asking him, right before Claire was born, if he would be against her getting reconstructive surgery to correct a cleft palate (should she be born with one). Even then, he says that he would hesitate.

But then again, J was always popular in school, well-liked with tons of friends and was rarely teased. He would not know the emotional trauma that can result from bullying and teasing. (Would this even make a difference?)

What do you think? Should we all just be proud of what nature gave us, no matter what? Would you ever physically change anything about your children if it meant that it could give them a better life? If so, where would you draw the line? A large mole? Braces? Ear piercings?

22 Responses to “Working With Nature”

  1. A dermatologist is a girls best friend. Growing up I had terrible cystic acne and tried everything until finally they agreed to give me Accutane. The stuff works magic. J and I have already discussed if our baby has this problem we’re not wasting the time to try different less invasive techniques and we will doctor shop for someone to give Accutante.

    I’ve had many moles taken off, I do not shy away from the fact that if my chest looks like a deflated pancake I will have a breast lift, my ears are pierced and if our child was born with something that could be fixed cosmetically (like a cleft) it would be done.

    Kids can be cruel but self-esteem is so important for younger children.

    • Thanks for sharing your story. I have a friend who also suffered from bad cystic acne when he was a teen and he still harbors some resentment toward his parents for refusing to take him to a dermatologist, telling him to “Just wash your face better” and “You’ll grow out of it.” He now says the same thing as you — that when he has kids and they have acne, he would take them to a dermatologist asap so they would not have to endure the self-consciousness or the teasing (people used to call him “ziti”) he went through.

      I agree that self-esteem is very important, but I also believe that it would help only to a certain extent. And for that reason, I would only agree to cosmetic procedures for my kids if I am confident that they’re mature enough to understand what is involved, that they don’t believe it will be a cure-all for their problems, and that they know that what really matters lies inside, and that looks only extend so far.

  2. Rhey:

    I don’t have children, so I can say this in the over-confident kid-free way, but in reading your post I had a different thought about what you meant than in your follow-up comment. I would not change something cosmetic about my children (a situation that created a health issue is a different matter), but I would be willing to support a change that the child requested once they were old enough to know/want that change, provided the health risks of that change were also weighed. As a side note, even pierced ears on a really young child bothers me as it was obviously not the choice of the child but of the parent.

  3. Christine:

    I’ve got the same spots on my head as Claire. I’ve always had them snice I was litle and thankfully, they never spread anywhere else.

    As for going under the knife, I used to think that I would never do it (I already have larger-than-most-Asians eyes with double eyelid and nice nose and possibly too thick lips), but after nursing for five grueling months, I am absolutely CERTAIN that I want the “Mommy Make Over” once I’m doing having kids!! I’ve sacrificed my body in so many ways and I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I’m literally disgusted with myself because I have extremely fair skin and I have large, dark purple lines running all over my chest, stomach, thighs, down to my knees!! I only gained 30 lbs while I was pregnant, so I don’t know what the heck happened!!

    So is cosmetic surgery okay? I say HECK YES! For a teenager though, I’m not really sure. For example, my cousin at the tender age of 18 was brought to get a breast augmentation because her MOTHER thought she was too flat chested. I asked my cousin if she wanted it and she said she didn’t really care either way. I find that disturbing, especially since I didn’t get boobs until I was 22!! I wish her mother would’ve given her a chance to figure it out for herself or just develop naturally!

    • Christine:

      by “get boobs”, I mean that I didn’t even begin to develop ’em until I had finished college. slow growth, i guess?

  4. I got made fun of a lot for not having the crease when I was younger. But I do get them in my eyes when I’m tired or if I’m wearing false lashes. I did want the surgery but was too scared to permanently change my eyes and plus I’ve grown to like my monolids. :) Also if I feel like having a crease I just put on my false lashes. :)

    I think if our child has a deformity and there was a surgery that could help construct his/her face back to what it would look like if there wasn’t a deformity I wouldn’t hesitate to get the surgery. But I think if it’s something like the crease in the eyes or such I wouldn’t let them until they are able to make a decision when they’re old enough to get it themselves with their own money. :) Cuz at that point it’s their choice not mine.

  5. I have one of those cafe au lait spots on the side of my neck. Honestly, I don’t think about it very much. I’ve only had one (creepy?) guy call it out – rather loudly – on the subway once. He was all, “Your birthmark! My daughter has one like that!” and I was like “Duh? …A lot of people have birthmarks like this?” The first time I noticed it, I asked my mom about it and she said, “Oh, honey, that’s where an angel kissed you.”

  6. This might get long, this might also sound a bit angry at times, too. If so, I apologize (I really do). I’m sure you know this, but Piper has facial birthmarks (http://ambergontrail.com/2011/01/14/marking/), at least three separate ones in very distinct areas on her face. It has taken me a long time to stop being resentful that she was “marred” in this way (another post: http://ambergontrail.com/2010/06/08/mommy-blindness/ {Ha- a year ago today, how crazy}), and to accept it as part of her, part of the reason I love her so much.

    At first, when she was born, these spots were huge (tiny newborn head ya know) and so so so dark that my heart immediately dropped, but I hoped it was just bruising from the crazy birth she had. Then they gradually became less angry-looking, but were still there. Our pediatrician told us they would fade by the time she was two. Many appointments passed and at each one, the pediatrician mentioned how they seemed darker sometimes. I tried to make excuses for that, she was cold, she had just cried. Then I felt ashamed. Why should I make excuses about my daughter’s face? What other mother does that? The pediatrician seemed to be more uncomfortable with her birthmarks than I was. She brought up surgery countless times, and each time we blew her off.

    As a mother of a child with very obvious facial birthmarks, I admit I bristled when I read what you wrote about how people see others with facial birthmarks, and how it would affect her childhood. This is exactly what breaks my heart EVERY SINGLE TIME she cries and her marks turn bright red, or when we’re out in the cold and someone points them out and asks if she fell or something. I’m actually tearing up right now thinking about it, sorry. :)

    I was teased as a child, but I was raised to be proud of whatever makes you different. So I kind of was. But I also kind of hated my tormentors. Luckily I had a few close friends who didn’t give a rat’s patoot about my differences, perhaps because they had differences, too. So instead of treating Piper as some kind of oddity for these marks on her face, I want her to embrace them. To love them as HER marks, as what makes her STAND OUT, and not what makes her “different”. For me, I want her to know that she’s gorgeous, even though a Mother’s opinion of beauty isn’t taken as strongly as a friend, or a boyfriend, I hope she’ll realize that while at first I was horrified by what these marks would mean for her future, and that while I was saddened at the first sight to see my baby wasn’t as perfect as all the other babies out there (visibly), that she is perfect to me. I refuse to have surgery done on her face, even if the pediatrician says it isn’t a bad idea. As long as her health is fine, she will know her spots make her the wonderful baby that she is. Her spots will be what makes her special, and not “different”.

    It’s funny to me, because despite being tormented as a teen for various reasons, I never really thought about changing anything. I never really thought about trying to get the world to love each other for the things that make us “special”. It took me having a child with face-marring birthmarks to really want to get up on my soapbox and shot to the masses, “DIFFERENT IS SPECIAL, SHE’S JUST LIKE YOU!” I don’t want people to see Piper’s birthmarks and think, “Thank god my child doesn’t look like that.” I don’t want people to see birthmarks on their own child and think, “It could be worse, it could be on her FACE.” I want people to see Piper’s face, with her glorious cheeks, her grey eyes, her long lashes, and her menagerie of birthmarks and think, “What a cute child.” No more of the “She’s got personality” without even talking to her, or “You can barely even notice the birthmarks, she’s so cute!”. Really people?! So because she has birthmarks, prominent ones, she’s cute when they’re not noticeable?

    This mother’s wish is that someday, when she’s in school and upset over something, her classmates won’t ask tell her that the spots are getting worse, instead I hope the classmate will comfort her, because all he/she sees is a friend who is upset. I don’t want Piper to learn how to apply makeup so it doesn’t look so obvious. I don’t want her afraid boys won’t like her because of something that she had no hand in, I want her to know what she is who she is because of her marks. And that to embrace them is to love herself.

    Of course, if she asks for surgery, I will let her get it, because if she was that upset about them, then it’s important to her, which makes her being rid of them important to me. I’m not anti-surgery, I’m pro-self esteem.

    • I am certainly for good self-esteem, and I wish that all children (actually, all people) could see themselves the way that their parents see them…but in my experience, this is not always the case. Perhaps you had a better support system growing up, but I used to cry myself to sleep every night due to all the bullying and teasing I got from the other kids. I used to resent my parents for forcing us to move to the states, where I stuck out like a sore thumb (we lived in an area where there were very, very few Asians) when back in Korea I looked like everyone else.

      I know that no one will love Claire or BebeDeux the way that I love them. But as much as I love my children, I still want them to the best that they can be (perhaps is the Asian “Tiger mom” in me talking?). If that includes them getting braces, having moles removed, getting ears pierced, and later on, when they are mature enough to make the decision, getting cosmetic surgery, I would support them all the way. I briefly talked about this in older posts, but one of the reasons for the high rates of cosmetic surgery in Asia is due to the countries’ highly competitive nature — and after personality, grades, schools, and other accomplishments, looks do play a factor. And while I think it’s a bit sad that the rate of cosmetic surgery in Asia is so high, it remains high because looks really do affect your life (luckily, this is more the case in Asia than in the states).

      I too, wish that everyone could see only the best aspects of their peers, that we are not judged for what’s outside but what’s on the inside. I wish we lived in a society where looks count little to nothing for how the world treats us…but in my experience, this is sadly not the case. I hope this doesn’t further make you sad, but I have recently seen kindergarten-aged kids tease another for the dime-sized mole on his face, and his mother has told me that they will be getting it removed this summer. It saddened me to see this, but it further reaffirmed my belief that kids can be cruel (and if anything, much less innocent than we were at their age), and reminded me of all the teasing I endured and how I don’t want my kids to go through anything like that.

      Yes, I will do my best to teach my kids that their mother will love and support them no matter what, but that I only want the best for them too. The hard part will be finding the balance between love and acceptance, vs pushing them to be the best that they can be. No, I will not push them to have cosmetic surgery, or even to have their ears pierced. But if they want it, and are mature enough to make the decision, I will not stand in their way.

      • Well, I want the best for Piper, too. I want her to be happy, and feel loved and not at all ashamed about anything on her person. But I really don’t want her to think that no matter what, there’s always surgery. It’s like people getting married with the notion, “Well, there’s always divorce”. For us, surgery is the very very very last option, because I want her to be okay with her, without needing surgery to boost her ego. Apparently that’s going to be hard to do, given your example (which by the way, saddened the ever loving HELL out of me), but I will work MY ASS OFF to let her know that while she may see kids/people in magazines/media without birthmarks, that doesn’t mean she’s not normal. And when people say something about them, I’m going to tell her she was CHOSEN to be marked, because she was strong enough to carry this throughout her life. And when other kids or adults try to bring her down for having excess pigment, then the White/Mexican “Tiger Mom” in me will have to get out there and do something, because that shit will not fly with me. If we have to take her to therapy to let her know her marks are okay, we will. If I have to take her to meet other people who have marks like hers to know it’s normal, I will. I refuse to let the option of surgery be the thing that she relies on. As I said before, I will not refuse it if she’s tormented daily. But I will try to boost her up enough until that day comes to let that cowardly shit other kids throw at her affect MY daughter.

        Just curious (Seriously, not trying to pull a fast one), with your belief in God, how do you feel about surgically/physically changing the way we were born? Do you not believe you are as God made you, and you shouldn’t change it? Or are you of the belief that God also created people who invented plastic surgery, so we shall take advantage?

        FYI, I’m TOTALLY not against plastic surgery. After our second child I’m getting my boobs reduced, so I’m not an opponent at all. I’m just of the mindset that I want her to be okay with herself and not try to hold herself up to other people’s expectations of what is beautiful/normal. And just because I want her to deal with herself and know herself as gorgeous and normal before we resort to surgery, it doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for my child.

        As you can tell, I am extremely passionate about this. :)

        • Completely understandable. But where would you draw the line? Would you allow her to pierce her ears? Get braces? Dye her hair?

          To answer your question, I believe that while God made us for specific purposes, He also allowed man to create plastic surgery (the same with technology and other advances). I think that just as long as the procedure is nothing too major (for example, I’d be against my children changing their entire face) and makes your life better/easier, I’m all for it.

          And just on a personal note, if a person says they’re against plastic surgery because they would be altering what God gave them, I think they are being hypocritical if they dye their hair, get braces, get colored contacts, or even wear heavy makeup.

          • Oops, I didn’t mean to say “allow.” I meant, would you go through the same thing, raising her self-esteem as much as possible and letting her know that these things are only as a last resort before going that route?

          • Sorry for the massive replies, but I was looking up this article and just found it:


            It raises a lot of good questions about cosmetic surgery from a Christian’s perspective (just in case you, or anyone reading this is curious).

            I also want to add that in my opinion, sin and its effect on mankind has led to an imperfect world and an imperfect man (including his/her physical body). And plastic surgery can be seen as one of the many ways that mankind seeks to improve his/her condition.

            • I guess for me/us personally, we think orthodontia is mostly a necessity to correct bite, a jaw malfunction or something else tooth-related that can affect her life (like grinding teeth, I totally do that, and I suffer from TMJ) by way of causing pain, inability to speak correctly or the way her mouth is arranged possibly causing a problem eating. If her teeth were crooked slightly and the orthodontist saw no reason to correct, then we would likely not. If while being watched over time those slightly crooked teeth turned into something worse, then heck yes! As for ear piercing, hair dyeing (which is not allowed until she’s 18, strict Mexican household here) and other cosmetic things like that, that are temporary, and mostly for fun, I see no problem. I mean, if she dyes her hair blonde because the boy she likes only likes blondes, then we have a problem. I guess I worry that if she’s always assuming there will be a quick fix (or a permanent fix) instead of just dealing with what is making her feel awkward or inferior, just working through it, then she’ll never learn to be okay with herself.

              I asked about the religion thing because I honestly don’t know what people believe. I have a cousin-in-law who was not physically able to get pregnant and have children. So they turned to IVF and surrogates. When they had two surrogates pregnant with twins at the same time (while also already having one set of two year old twins), my aunt asked them why they keep removing and implanting more eggs. My cousin-in-law replied, “God saw it fit to give us eggs to be fertilized and we think it’s his will to have as many kids as we can make”. Paul, who is a Catholic, born and raised, and now teaching at a Catholic school, wondered why they didn’t think her inability to get pregnant was a sign from God that he didn’t feel they should have children. I think about that a lot, wondering if they were of the thought that they can just use “God’s Will” to suit them however they felt applied, or if they were of the thought that God created scientists and doctors etc. That’s why I asked. Being raised Agnostic, I am completely new to the whole “God’s Will” discussion, so I wasn’t sure if it was a common belief or something that was different per each person.

              I guess I feel (regarding the whole surgery/changing herself permanently thing) that once she’s an adult paying for it, she can do whatever she chooses. If her life is a living hell before then, then I will do whatever it takes to make her okay with herself, and if it’s having her marks blotted out then that’s it. I just hope that in making birthmarks a non-issue, and making them just like freckles, dimples or double-jointedness, that it takes some of the stigma away from them. It takes the power away from the birthmarks. So I hope to avoid even mentioning them, because to me, FINALLY, they are just there. They’re not something I worry about. I worry that people will make her resent having them, but I don’t worry about her hearing from US, or our family, that there is a fix for it. I want her to not even really notice them, and just say, “Yeah, I was born this way. I am lucky to be special.” Like I have my dimple, Piper has her birthmarks.

              And so I hope, eventually, birthmarked children/adults will be seen in the media just as much as non-marked people. I know this won’t happen, I do. But I hope that we’d have given Piper enough of an ego boost to not give a crap about her birthmarks, thus taking away any ammunition a bully can have. For a little bit of “I can relate”, I have one pointed ear. Legolas pointed. It’s my pixie ear, and I’ve always had it. My pediatrician told me it was made that way to keep out the rain (totally never explained the other ear). My mom used it as the “defining marks/characteristics” on the sheet with my fingerprints in case I get lost (which I did). I consider us very lucky to have these defining marks on Piper’s face in case she ever gets nabbed or lost. I hope to the highest hopes I never ever have to use it, but I’m glad I have this identifying feature in my back pocket, so to speak.

              This is all I wanted to say. It hurt my heart to read what you wrote about being glad that Claire’s marks weren’t on her face. Because I once thought about how sad I was they WERE on her face. I know eventually someone will mention it to her, and she’ll know, that she’s different. And if the wrong person says it, it’s going to mean “bad” different. It absolutely breaks my heart knowing my child is “different” from other kids physically, because I know that isn’t easy as a child to deal with. You know how it is, you want your child to be comfortable in their own skin, but if people like the strangers I meet, the friends of friends who think I don’t know that they were just talking about her, and people that tell her that it’s “fixable” keep reminding her that she’s not like other kids, how can she deal with that? I’m ashamed that I had hoped Piper could have had a normal face (even if it was for her own good), because while I was head over heels for her from that minute on, I failed her as a mother because I saw them first. And I know that’s what others are going to do, because many people won’t get to know her, they’ll just be strangers who see a girl with a lot of facial birthmarks, and as her mom, knowing that- THAT FRIGGING SUCKS.

              I’m just trying to make Piper’s life easier by trying to tell everyone who mentions it that facial birthmarks aren’t anything to be ashamed of. They’re not something that needs to be fixed, or covered. I want to spread the word, so in ten years from now, Piper will be normal. Even with her birthmarks. :) I just want an easier life for my kid.

              • I’m sorry if what I wrote hurt you. It certainly was not my intention to do so — what I wrote was my honest first, gut reaction and as I’m sure you know I have the tendency to write straight from the heart and not BS my way around on my blog. I know that I may come off as insensitive, and I apologize for that. But it’s really what my first reaction was at discovering those spots and I didn’t want to censor myself. Maybe one day I, in addition to others, will not have the same reaction. But as a product of our culture and society, this really (sadly) was my first thought.

                Perhaps my way of thinking/parenting has a bit to do with the Asian way — like I’ve mentioned the Tiger mom above, when Amy Chua’s book first made headlines I was not surprised at all by her parenting methods. While my own parents were never quite AS strict, I know many of my Asian friends whose parents were actually worse, and I actually always appreciated it when my mom would tell me that I needed to lose some weight because I knew she was being honest with me and that it only came from a place of love. And this is the way I plan to raise my children as well: make sure that they know they are loved (because I never doubted my parents’ love for a second), but keep pushing them, even if regards to their appearance.

                For what it’s worth, whenever I see pictures of Piper I really can’t tell that she even has spots. (And I’m being completely honest here!) If your doc is correct and they will be gone by the time she turns 2, I’m sure she would be fine. Even if the spots show up when she is crying/upset, I think most people would chalk it up to her being an ugly crier (heck, I’m a HORRIBLY ugly crier, and so is Claire — her entire face gets red and splotchy). And I never thought that Piper, or anyone with spots or anything wrong — even those with disfigurements — are anything but “normal.” If they want to go the surgery route to change anything about themselves, that’s fine, but I myself consider every breathing, functioning creature to be “normal.” But as a parent I can’t help but want the very very best, optimal conditions for my children, no matter how “normal” they are. Just as you want to spread the word so that birthmarks on the face will not be a big deal in ten years, I want Claire and BebeDeux to have and be the best from the get-go. I guess I’m more selfish than you in that while you want to change the world, I would rather do it quietly from within our home.

  7. I’m 100% in support of plastic surgery and cosmetic dermatology — as long as someone is realistic about what they want to fix and change…I work with a lot of patients who are obsessive and body dysmorphic and can’t stop finding new “things” to fix. That’s no bueno.

    As an aside (and I do NOT mean to freak you out here), have you had Claire checked for Neurofibromatosis or Schwanamatosis? It affects 1 in 4000 births and is more common than cystic fibrosis and a hallmark of the disease is cafe au lait spots.

  8. I hadn’t started to read your blog when you talked about your surgery. Now I see why the eye surgery story the other week was important to you.

    I have to agree with Amber here, I think the most important thing a parent should provide to their child is love and support. I was a home schooled dork, I had severe acne (still have adult acne), I was not popular, and I struggled with feeling like I had good friends. But my parents were super supportive and I knew that home was a place where I would be praised for my accomplishments and never critiqued for my looks. Now, I don’t see birthmarks, pockmarks, cleft scars, etc as blemishes. I see them as parts of stories that people have to tell. Without mine, I wouldn’t be as confident, as tenacious, or as sympathetic to others.

    • Oh don’t get me wrong — I NEVER doubted for a second that my parents loved me. I loved my parents, being home and feeling secure at home (well, not so much in the teenage years but that’s normal). It really was my decision to get it done and when I told them, they asked me if I was sure, and then supported me all the way. I really love my parents — and now, I love them more than ever. These days, after having had a baby and having lived 30 years of life, I look at my scars and blemishes with pride because they tell a story of myself and my journey…and I look at my (altered) eyes with pride too, because they’re a part of who I am too.

  9. While I didn’t have marks or any sort of obvious facial feature difference as a child, I did suffer from hyperhidrosis, a condition where my hands and feet sweat an abnormal and ridiculous amount. I had to carry a hand towel everywhere, my papers were smeared, my book spines were stained and falling apart, and I couldn’t climb monkey bars or jungle gyms without slipping. I endured hearing “EW GROSS” throughout my childhood from other kids, and even had teachers and adults make comments to me. It was terrible, I was self conscious, and while I do think it made me a stronger person, I would never want my child to go through the same things.

    My parents allowed me to get a surgery at age 13 that changed my life. It wasn’t perfect and I still have issues, but it changed my life, I became a much happier child, and I’d do the same for my children. I think that all you can do as parents is provide as much love and support as possible, and put your child in the best position to succeed in life. I had the support of my parents and corrective surgery, and I’m so grateful for both. Quality of life is no small thing, and I strongly believe that if it’s necessary to the happiness and success of the child, it should be considered and researched at the very least.

  10. I think the most important thing for anyone to realize, parent or child, is that you have to be happy with and confident in yourself. No amount of surgery will ever change who you are on the inside. Unfortunately, it takes years to understand and believe that…years that children don’t always have under their belt.

    I understand both why you, Jenny, would express that you are glad Claire’s marks aren’t on her face. And I can understand just as much why that would hurt you, Amber, coming from your experience of wanting just as much as any mother for your child to have the best life possible. No one wishes something like this on their child any more than they wish they don’t have all ten toes or fingers; so it is completely acceptable in my mind to be relieved if your child doesn’t have a birth mark that shows on their face. It doesn’t mean you love your child any more or any less if you choose or don’t choose to do something about such marks.

    Is it disappointing that we live in a society where something like that matters? Yes, it is. But that’s life. My sister’s nephew was born with a raised, red birthmark on the tip of his nose that made him look like he was wearing a clown nose. Did they love him any less because they decided to have it surgically repaired? No. Does it mean they aren’t going to work to teach him to love and respect the body that God gave him? No.

    It isn’t a black and white issue which is why blanket statements about it are so difficult and can never appeal to everyone.

  11. Ma Ma Bear:

    I came across your blog by researching darks spots on my 6 year old sons head.. It is scary what you find on the web. I immediately began to feel FEAR. Not just for the health of my son but for his self esteem. I wouldn’t say the two were equal but it was close..
    My older 9 year old son has struggled with warts on his hands. I guess he was “CHOSEN to be marked”. The dermatologist has battled them for months and they seem to be much much better, but the torment he endured was brutal! No amount of “mommy and daddy love, you dont listen to them or turn the other cheek” helped him.. When he came to school with bandages he would lie and tell people he hurt himself instead of telling the truth that he had them frozen.. He was soo embarressed…
    We tried to give him the best support system possible but like everyone has said kids can be so cruel.. “Tiger mom” or in my case MaMa Bear can’t protect them at all times.. I would do just about ANYTHING to help him with his pain be it physical or mental, including surgery… That may make me wrong but I can live with that if my son doesn’t have to suffer through any type of pain..
    I apologize for the rant about self esteem and surgery but I felt strongly about it. My true intention for responding here was to see if you ever went to the doctor for your daughter’s spots and how that turned out and if it is something I should have my little one seen for.

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