Aug 30, 2011  •  In Baby, Claire, Motherhood, Personal, Pregnancy

Fears (When the Floor Drops Out From Beneath You)

I was never officially diagnosed with SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction, or excessive and/or painful separation of the two pubic bones at the front of the pelvis) with my last pregnancy, but the pain was bad enough that I could not exercise for all of my third trimester.

This pregnancy is no different. And while I have been taking it easy, I have a 19 lb infant to take care of, which is exercise in itself.


According to this site, “During pregnancy hormones soften and stretch the ligaments
of the body in order to allow the pelvis to open slightly during labour so that the baby
can move easily through….During pregnancy, and after, the Symphysis can gap slightly
and walking, climbing stairs and turning over in bed can be difficult or even impossible.”

The pelvic pains are usually worst in the morning and at nights. One morning a few weeks ago, I literally collapsed onto the floor whilst trying to get out of bed. It was a big scare, to be sure — one that left me with an ugly bruise on my knee — but I brushed it off as a one-time-thing and reminded myself to be more careful whenever I get up from a sitting or lying position.

Well, it happened again, yesterday.

Except I wasn’t alone. I had just gathered Claire in my arms and was about to get up from the couch when I felt the floor drop out from beneath me and I collapsed.

Claire was okay — a bit scared, but physically fine. But I immediately started bawling, because I knew that I could have really hurt my child.

I called J at work, still crying, and explained to him what happened. I then went on to wail: “HOW AM I GOING TO TAKE CARE OF TWO BABIES? AND I KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE COMING TO HELP, BUT I’M ALSO SCARED THEY’RE GOING TO HOG THE BABIES AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO SEE THEM OR BOND WITH THEM. AND I’M SO TIRED AND EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME AND I HATE BEING PREGNANT!”

I don’t remember exactly what J said in response, but he managed to calm me down and called our SIL to see if she could come help me out for the day. She came over as soon as she could, listened to me air my fears and frustrations, gave me tons of hugs, then ordered me to bed while she took care of Claire. (Um, yeah. She’s like, the best SIL ever.)

I feel so, incredibly fortunate for our family members who have been donating their precious time and energy in helping me out during this pregnancy. I feel blessed that we are able to afford a part-time nanny. But even with all this help, I am terrified of becoming the mother of a newborn and a 13-month-old in just a couple of months.

And now, after what had happened, I am scared whenever I am alone with Claire. What if my hip gives out again while I am holding her and she gets badly injured? What if it happens when I am alone and I am unable to move or call for help?


The mere thought of this little girl being injured due to her mama’s physical condition
breaks my heart. (Adorable hat crocheted by my SIL — see more of her creations here.)

Luckily, J’s parents will be arriving from Hong Kong in two weeks so they will be able to assist me almost every day for the last month or so of this pregnancy (and help out when the baby arrives).

In the meantime, we have asked our nanny if she could come in for extra hours, but she is unable to due to her own schedule. And as luck would have it, her own mother is ill so she is not able to come at all this week.

We do not want to hire someone else at this point in time, so I will need to stick it out for the next couple of weeks and have family members help out when they can.

The one consolation I can get from suffering SPD is that my delivery of Claire was freakishly easy for a first-time mother. I can only hope and pray for the same with BebeDeux.

13 Responses to “Fears (When the Floor Drops Out From Beneath You)”

  1. Elyssa:

    How scary! One thought: I saw in a picture that C has a little exersaucer or something. Is that something you can put her in while sitting on the couch, then get up and drag her behind you until you’re settled again doing your next task? That way you’re safe while sitting, she’s safe in her thingy and you can still be together?

    • Yep she has a walker, but she can only tolerate it for 15-20 mins at a time (30 mins if we’re lucky) before she starts screaming. Now that she’s going 3-3.5 hours between naps, and because she’s so much more aware of her surroundings, she constantly needs to be entertained and moved around (aka carried around), or she will get bored. I have “stations” set around the house for this purpose, but it definitely gets tough. We also think that she’s starting to sense that a big change is coming soon, because she has been EXTRA clingy to me in the past week or so…she’ll cry even when J holds her, and only wants to be held by me!

  2. Wow. That really stinks. I had a fair amount of pain when I was pregnant- couldn’t really lift my legs to get my pants on and such, but thankfully nothing like you describe.

    I’ll say a prayer it gets better and you have no troubles before your in-laws arrive.

  3. *HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS*
    I will ALWAYS be here for you as much as I physically can! I promise.

    You are a WONDERFUL sister and I’m so thankful that you are always here for me too.

    XOXO

  4. MrsW:

    I don’t usually want to just drop a link and walk away, but I really recommend you read this:
    http://womantowomancbe.wordpress.com/2008/02/12/pain-in-pregnancy/
    I didn’t find this until after I had already gotten over my (quite mild) case of suspected SPD, but you may find the suggestions really helpful, especially those about chiropractic care.

    I can only imagine the fear of falling while holding your baby… we’ve had a few close calls and my heart races and I get nauseous each time. I hope you find a solution and that the rest of your pregnancy goes quickly and without incident.

  5. Jan:

    Hugs! Jen I hope you feel better soon. You and baby Claire are in my thoughts and prayer. I am glad that you have family to help you and more help in on the way.

  6. Oh man, that’s got to be so scary! Way to go Annie for being such a rockstar! I hope you feel better soon, and I’m so glad that you have family (and soon more family) to be around to help you out.

  7. Helene:

    i hurt both of my wrists when my baby boy was 3-month old so i couldn’t hold him in my arms at all (they hurt so much even if i just waved my thumb for 5 degrees). so whenever i was with him, i talked and sang and played with him placing him in either the crib or stroller or our bed. finally, he “learned” to stay with me knowing that this mommy wouldn’t pick him up and he only screamed for that when he saw daddy. it was sad i know. but what i’m trying to say is, it’ll be over. now my wrists are recovered, after 6 months of acupuncture =,=), i can hold him all the time again =) so just hang in there for a couple more weeks, everything will be fine again. have faith jenny~

  8. Jenny, I’m so sorry! I know it’s so frustrating when your body fails you, especially when you have no control over it. The good news is that help is on the way!

  9. Molly P:

    Hopefully, you can arrange for a lot of help for the first three months when the baby is born, I think that is imperative. Arrange as many support networks as you can. I had two babies 17 months apart and it was the hardest thing I ever did; each day I woke up and said, one hour at a time, one day at a time. It passed. Now I have a 1 year old and a 2.5 year old, and it’s already SO MUCH EASIER! But, looking back, I don’t think I did enough, got enough help, was willing to spend a little extra money in order to have that help for those first 3-6 months. It boiled down to sleep deprivation- being up all night nursing, then being up all day with the 17 month old, nap schedules not synchronized (you can’t sleep train a newborn) so that you’re just always awake- and finally I felt like I was going crazy, going to collapse. I don’t mean for this to sound all doom and gloom, but I understand your fears so well, and the best way to deal with them (because they are grounded) is to arrange as much help you can.

  10. you’ll be fine. it’s hard right? like emotionally you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and in your mind you’re like “can i do this?”

    but you can. i know you can.

    just take it easy. you can always call me if you want to chat.

  11. Oh, honey. This scared ME just reading about it! I will be praying for you! Hang in there! ::hugs::

  12. Hi chickadee! Just getting caught up…. another rough week it looks like?! : ( Hang in there, Mama!!!! You will get through it all!!

    PS….. that little face and big old hat! OMG dude…. CUTE!!!

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