Last night, I dreamt that J and I were childless.
We dined out often. We frequently entertained, hosting epic game nights just like we used to. We traveled to places we have always wanted to visit together, but never got a chance to: Mexico, Hawaii, France, Italy, Germany…even Hong Kong and Korea! (Yes, we have never visited either places since we started dating!)
Sure, we still experienced fatigue and frustration from our careers. Sure, we were still somewhat restrained by our limited vacation days, budgets, and familial obligations. But this life was so different from what we have now. So carefree, and somewhat innocent.
It was a good dream. No, it was a fantastic dream.
But when I woke up (to the sounds of Aerin crying), I was sad. Not because the dream had ended, but because I had missed my girls. Because while a life like that was a lot easier and nice to reminisce back on, I do not want it if it doesn’t include Claire and Aerin.
The grass may be greener on the other side, but sometimes, you still prefer your own lawn.