Mar 31, 2012  •  In Baby, Motherhood, Personal

Why, Yes. I *Do* Feel Like an Asshat!

As stated in my last post, this past week has been a whirlwind of sh*tstorms. Suffice it to say that the past few days have probably have been my most trying as a mother of two. Maybe I’ll write about the events that transpired in a future post, but there is a chance that I may need to erase from my memory banks these occurrences and my resulting feelings and reactions from them — and leaving them written out on a public blog may not be the best way to go about accomplishing this goal.

I have recently re-read Tina Fey’s Bossypants because it is a quick and funny read that does not require much thinking. I laughed out loud as I read the below passage:

I learned how long a morning can be. If you’re at work at 5:30 A.M., five hours go by and it is 10:30 in the morning. (I didn’t experience that again until I had a newborn baby. It does make you feel like an asshat for all those college years when you slept until 12:45.)

My mother told me yesterday that my life will never be as comfortable as it was when I was in college. I disagree, because I hated school and I hate being dependent on others — even my own parents at that young age — for money. For me, it was better when we were DINKs (double income, no kids), because at least we could sleep in on weekends and our combined income which supported two people was more than what J’s single income now supports for four.

But having less (in time, money, and other luxuries) does make me so much more appreciative of the little things; I am so much more thankful for what I do have, as well as what I had. For instance, I can’t believe I used to b*tch about getting “only” 5 hours of sleep the night before. Or spending $700 for a wallet and not batting an eye when a $100 handbag seems like such a luxury now.

I am grateful that I was once able to live such a life, am at times wistful of the life we once led, but am now more aware of each little blessing in my life and can’t believe that I never noticed them before.

So yes, I do feel like an asshat. Thank you for pointing that out to me, Ms. Fey. :-)

True love is being reduced to a blubbery mess of tears and snot after having just one goofy smile shot your way. The kind that says, “You may not be the perfect mom, but you are my mom and for that, you are perfect to me.”

The kind that out-trumps an entire week of injuries, blood, poop, and tears. (I’m not revealing which came from who. You’d be surprised. :-P)

4 Responses to “Why, Yes. I *Do* Feel Like an Asshat!”

  1. MrsW:

    Yeaaaaah… I look back on the college days with some wistful fondness, and also high school, as times when I slept in a lot, was largely independent in my schedule, didn’t have to be responsible for the continuing existence of tiny, utterly dependent people. Something I *wish* I had to look back on (and I am not saying this to try to make you feel like an asshat) is DINK days, since we spent our first wedding anniversary in the hospital recovering from the birth of our daughter the day before. The sum of our two incomes was what most people consider a “living wage”.

    And now we have kids (well, a toddler and a fetus) and I stay home and he goes to grad school for pennies and we’re broke so bad but I kind of love our laugh, poopy diapers and all. It is so much more full of love than I imagined it could be in the days when I didn’t ever set my alarm clock. :)

  2. Yesterday I walked around the mall and window shopped, and saw about 10 things that I would have bought without a second thought five years ago. I also don’t remember the last time I got up without someone waking me up. So… yeah, I get this. I hope this week will be better for you!

  3. Diana:

    I haven’t slept more than 4 hours straight since my daughter Sofia (now 18 months) was born. I haven’t been smart or lucky enough to sleep trained her. I quit my job, in which I was very successful (my boss still calls me to offer me new positions) to take care of my DD. I certainly miss and crave for those days that I went to the mall and bought what I wanted without feeling guilty. Now all I see is clothes for Sofi or educational wooden toys ( which are very expensive). But there are days that I wonder if living like that without being a mother all my life will have made me happy (I never wanted to have kids in the first place). I feel you and I’ll be praying for you. God is watching over you and your daughters that we know.

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