…is that they will wake each other up in the middle of the night.

Claire had been sleeping 10-12 hours straight through the night since she was about 9 months old. And as you can imagine, all that changed when a screaming newborn came into the picture.

And while this issue wasn’t quite as bad during the second month of Aerin’s life, when she regularly slept 7-8 hours straight through the night, it has recently become more serious as Aerin seems to have hit her 4-month sleep regression a few weeks early — waking up practically every hour during the night for the past week.

Aerin has been sleeping in our room — in her bassinet, the swing, or on our bed — since we brought her home from the hospital. I know that once she outgrows the bassinet, we will move her into a crib. The question is, where will we put the crib when we do not have any extra bedrooms?

Option 1:  Have the girls share Claire’s room. But this can only mean additional months of restless nights for poor Claire. (Because at least now, the sounds of Aerin crying is somewhat muffled by two closed doors and a white noise machine.)

Option 2:  Put Aerin’s crib in our living room. But this means that we will lose access to our living room after she goes down for the night.

Option 3:  Leave Aerin in our room and just move in a crib. But this somehow feels unfair to both girls — Claire for not being around her parents as much as her little sister, and Aerin for not having her own room.

What would you do in our situation?

When we purchased our 2-bedroom, 1067 sqft condo 4 years ago, we definitely did not have babies in mind. (At the time, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted kids.) We didn’t bother to check the school districts, and thought that we would always use the second bedroom as a guest room.

For these reasons, we know that we will be moving to a larger place in a more child-friendly neighborhood within the next few years. But for the moment, we have to make do with what we have.

I ask my mother how she did it when my sister and I were young. Back then, our entire family of four slept together on the floor of a tiny room.

“No one slept,” she answers.

Last night, I noticed that Aerin’s tongue was green. 

Okay, so it wasn’t that bad. She has always had a white patch on her tongue, which is common in many babies due to their milk/forumla-only diet. But last night, when she happily stuck her tongue out at me during her bath, I noticed that the white patch had taken on a green tinge.

It didn’t seem to be bothering her so I did not feel it warranted a visit to the ER. But I did take her to the doctor first thing this morning to have it checked out, and my suspicions were confirmed: Aerin has thrush.

If you can remember, Claire had a stubborn case of thrush when she was young. In fact, recurring thrush and mastitis infections is the reason I quit breastfeeding her, because it physically became too painful to a point where I was not able to properly take care of her.

For once, I was extremely happy that I am no longer breastfeeding Aerin. Thrush, which is essentially a yeast infection, can be passed from mouth to boob — back and forth — which is what kept happening with me and Claire. And while the pain level from a breast thrush infection varies with each woman, it is extremely painful for most, and in my case, it literally felt like razor blades ripping through my breasts for up to 2 hours after each feeding session.

At its worst, I could not do anything aside from being curled up in a ball of agony with tears streaming down my face. It had also made my holding Claire practically impossible, because every time that anything brushed against my breasts, the pain would start up again.

And that’s when I had decided to quit breastfeeding — because personally, my being able to hold my own child and tend to her needs is more important than any added benefit of breastmilk over formula.

These painful memories all came rushing back to me as the doctor gave us the diagnosis. He said that the infection wasn’t bad, especially since it was localized only to the tongue (thrush tends to spread to the inside of the cheeks, gums, and even the diaper area) and didn’t seem to be bothering Aerin at all.

As for the green color? He told me, “Fungus comes in all colors.”

The first line of attack against oral thrush is nystatin, which we will administer to Aerin three times a day for 2-3 weeks. The problem with nystatin is that it is only effective in about half of all thrush cases. We had been in the unlucky half with Claire, so we had tried yogurt and grapefruit seed extract before finally turning to gentian violet. (Remember Claire’s purple lips and my purple breastmilk?)

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that nystatin will work for Aerin. If not, we will go straight to gentian violet.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about thrush — aside from the pain for the mom — is that we need to disinfect everything that comes in contact with the baby’s mouth during the course of treatment. So, as we have done in the past, we will be boiling everything after each use, and then discarding them and getting new items once the infection is gone.

(image source)

It’s been a tiring morning. Let’s hope that we can beat this infection quickly and effectively. 

My mother has been telling me ever since Aerin was born that the best way I will survive the next two decades is by getting both girls to help me out as soon, and as often as possible.

Obviously this is still an unreasonable request to ask of Aerin, but now that Claire is walking — and growing more curious and precocious with each passing day — we have slowly begun to teach her little ways to help around the house, and with her little sister.

For example, yesterday as I was cleaning I made a little game of it by pointing out dirty spots, making an overly exaggerated disgusted face as I said, “더러워!” (“Dirty!” in Korean), then wiping up the dirt, showing her how the dirt was now on the paper towel and not on the floor, making another disgusted face as I pointed to the soiled paper towel, then throwing it away in the trash can. And every time a dirty spot disappeared I made a big spectacle of it by clapping and saying “Yay!!!” Soon, she caught up and wanted to help out too.

It goes without saying that she wasn’t much help — if anything, she slowed down my cleaning time significantly as I needed to wait for her to slowly and deliberately wipe, and go over the dirty spots myself again because she did not get everything — but just the fact that she wanted to help out, and was so proud of herself for doing so, made it all worthwhile.

Claire’s latest word is “Juice!”

It is also evident that Claire loves Aerin and wants to help out with her as much as possible, because she will almost always learn copperative activities on the first try, or the first time we ask. For example, the very first time that I made a bottle for Aerin and gave it to Claire, telling her “Go bring this to daddy so he can give it to your little sister,” she did it right away. And the very first time that we asked her to bring us one of Aerin’s diapers from the other room, she did that without hesitation too.

And heavens forbid that we even burp Aerin without her — every time that she hears the telltale “patting on the back” sound, she will practically run into the room and insist on burping her little sister too.

J rolled his eyes at me when I told him of our little cleaning game yesterday. “You’re not gonna turn our girls into neat freaks like you, are you?”

“Of course I am! Wouldn’t you rather have a clean house than a dirty one?”

I also like to remind him that whenever his mother plays with Claire, she always ends playtime by putting toys back in the toy box, so that Claire will know that that’s where they belong when they’re not being used. 

I think Claire is definitely starting to catch on. Because now, whenever she sees a dirty tissue anywhere, she will pick it up and throw it in the trash.

I am happy to announce that, at 15 months of age, Claire has finally started walking.

Let me rephrase that. She has finally started walking without support. Because she has been walking with one hand against the wall or along some furniture, or one hand holding someone’s hand, for over a month now. We all knew that she could physically walk by herself, but that she was too afraid to let go.

Then, just this past weekend, BAM! It’s like she suddenly happened upon a chest full of courage and started walking everywhere by herself.

Dim light + fast-walking kid = blurry picture

I have been so proud of our firstborn lately. Everyone tells us that she’s one of the smartest babies they’ve ever met, and even I get amazed by her quick wit and intelligence from time to time. (I get worried too, because I just know that she’s going to outsmart me and her father…she’s already playing mind games with us and trying to pit us against each other to get what she wants!)

She has not exhibited any signs of teething since my last teething update — and she now has 13 teeth, 5 of which are molars, aka the most painful to sprout. She follows instructions — such as “Take your feet off the table” or “Go throw this away in the trash” — and is also doing splendidly with all three languages we are teaching her. (I stopped keeping track of her words after about the seventh one…I think she knows about twenty now? Should I be keeping better record of this?)

I wish that I could get some videos of her favorite activities, such as identifying different parts of her body, singing and dancing along to songs, and interacting with Aerin, but she is OBSESSED with our Flip videocam and will stop whatever she is doing to try to get her hands on it. She is also fascinated by our camera; hence the lack of photos of her as of late.

Claire’s love for her little sister is so stinkin’ cute. She now calls for Aerin instead of her dad every morning when she wakes up. (“Beh-bee? Beh-bee?!???”) She insists on coming over to help us burp Aerin whenever she sees us prop her up after a bottle. She visibly gets upset when Aerin is crying, and will gently pat her, shove a pacifier in her face (sometimes even the one that she’s using!), or point to the kitchen and yell “Mum mum!” (her current word for all food) as if to remind us that we need to feed her little sister.

How can you NOT love this face?

They say that motherhood never really gets any easier, that each new level of development brings with it a unique set of challenges. I wholeheartedly agree, because while I love each new stage of Claire’s life more than the last, it’s also so much harder. I had believed that Aerin would be more difficult of the two because a newborn requires so much work, but I was wrong.

Because chasing after a toddler, trying to find the best ways to entertain her and educate her and discipline her, is soooo much more exhausting than getting up every 3 hours for a feeding.

Let that be a lesson to all mothers of one young child who are contemplating a second, and who, for some reason or another, believe that the new baby will be the harder one. No — it is your first who will be the more demanding one as he/she continues to mature and discovers new ways to challenge you.

This is not meant to scare those who are thinking about having another kid. Rather, it is my way of encouraging you, to let you know that nothing really comes as a surprise with second (and subsequent) children.

As much as I b*tch and moan about how difficult it is being a mother, I know that I am not in this alone. And I know that it must be just as difficult for him…if not worse at times.

Because I can’t fathom how frustrating and upsetting it must be when you have been trying your darndest to soothe your hysterically crying baby, only to have her immediately calm down once she is in her mother’s arms — because after all, the baby had been living inside the mother for almost 10 months and intimately knows her voice, scent, and even her breathing rhythm from birth, while all she may recall about you from the womb are the muffled sounds of your voice.

Being a father must be just as heartbreaking when you work all day, away from your family to provide for them, and your own child starts crying at the sight of you because she has started to equate your presence at night with bedtime.

J with Claire in the early days

So I just want to take a moment to tell J, and all the new fathers out there, that it will get better. Your children will begin to look forward to your coming home from work with great anticipation every night. They will grab at your legs and refuse to let go. They will ask for “one more please?” as you dance with them with their little feet on yours.

And there will be — numerous times throughout their lives — when YOU will be their favorite person in the whole wide world.

Just keep doing what you are doing, and know that we love you and are thankful for you every day.