As a follow-up to yesterday’s post, we’re still alive! The LHC has successfully completed its first round of testing!

Here is a picture from the control room:

(image via Slashdot)

Yeah, I have no idea what it means either.

However, just because the first beam test worked doesn’t mean we can rest easily. This was only a test, people! Who knows what will happen in the coming months as they start really colliding particles in this thing?

The first first collision won’t happen until October 21, 2008. Mark your calendars!

Just in case you’re wondering, here’s a simple website to see if the large hadron collider has destroyed the world yet:

http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

Enjoy!

Unless you have been living in a cave, you should know that CERN is flipping the ‘On’ switch on its $10 billion Large Hadron Collider (LHC) tomorrow.

(image via the NYTimes)

The LHC hopes to re-create conditions that last existed when the universe was less than a trillionth of a second old. This comic by PHD Comics explains:

Imagine two beams of particles traveling at 0.999 the speed of light…

Each made of protons bunched together carrying the equivalent energy of an aircraft carrier at 60 km/h and squeezed into an area the size of your pinky finger.

The two beams circle each other around a 27 km underground tunnel near the Swiss Alps until…

…and operator hits a switch and they collide!

What happens next?

While the legendary Stephen Hawking has bet against the success of the machine, some have theorized that the world will come to an end tomorrow – heck, scientists are even getting death threats!

However, according to an official statement from the LHC Safety Assessment group, the world will most likely not end tomorrow – you have a greater chance of “suddenly evaporating while shaving.”

Good to know!

But just in case the world does come to a screeching halt tomorrow and we are sucked into an abyss of pain and torture à la Event Horizon (aka the scariest movie ever), there are a few things I would like to say to a a few select people, in no particular order:

I’m sorry that your kids are ugly.

Remember that hot night we had at __________ on ______? Turns out it wasn’t that hot.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

I would turn into a lesbian for you.

I know you snuck in late to our wedding. And thanks for the no gift!

I would rather get a thousand paper cuts and be dipped into a vat of sweat than spend another minute with you.

Size does matter.

I have recurring dreams about you, alternating between my beating the crap out of you with a golf club and us making out passionately at Chuck E. Cheese.

I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.

Obviously I can go on and on, but I’ll stop.

You can watch the LHC in action, live, at http://webcast.cern.ch/index.html tomorrow at 9am CEST (GMT +2).

I love it when companies go the extra 5,280 feet! When a fan made this YouTube video about a glitch in the Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08 video game, EA took notice, spun the story to work in their advantaged, and acknowledged the fan’s efforts in this new commercial:

Brilliant marketing! Great job, EA!

(via Micro Persuasion)

Tragedy strikes Hitler but oh no – Twitter is down!

Hilarious clip. Enjoy!

(I think this may be a scene from a German movie.)

The medication I’m currently taking prohibits alcohol and caffeine. (Okay, so I cheated twice…I am a weak creature with no self control.)

I guess I didn’t realize just how much of an alcoholic and caffeine addict I can be, because people have started to notice.

And they smile, or give me a little wink.

Then I realized…holy crap! These people think I’m pregnant!

(Am I the only one who finds this picture disturbing?
Why does it have to be such a popular internet image?)

Let’s get this straight: I am not pregnant, nor do I plan to get knocked up anytime in the near future.

I think that even J has caught the baby bug. Either that, or I am just immensely afraid of becoming a parent.

Earlier this week, we had a little scare. Actually, a big scare (at least for me). J will probably kill me for writing this on the world wide web, but heck I like to keep it real.

My period was a week late, and my boobs were getting humongous (and quite painful as well).

I thought, “Crap crap crap CRAP!” as I peed on a stick and waited for 2 minutes.

Lucky for me, the test was negative.

However, I looked over at J and saw that he looked a bit disappointed.

“I was already thinking of baby names,” he confessed. “And how I would start telling everyone immediately…I was gonna send out a tweet saying, ‘My wife is pregnant’!”

Um, can we say Twitter whore?!?

But back to the story. I completely forgot the reason for getting freaked out in the first place and proceeded to freak out even more over the fact that he is 100% ready (and willing) to have kids. Already!

I then remembered a conversation we had weeks ago, when he said to me, “I think I want to name my kid Chewy.”

“Excuse me?”

“Chewy. You know, Chewbacca.”

“You would seriously name our unborn child Chewbacca?”

“Yes. Chewbacca Aragorn L__.”

“…How about we get a dog and name it Chewy?”

I’m still not sure if he was being serious about the name. Nonetheless, the image of my trying to swaddle a Wookie baby brandishing Anduril (for you non-geeks: the re-forged version of Narsil, the mighty sword from The Lord of the Rings) continues to haunt me.

Yep, I’m definitely not ready to have kids.

(My period did come eventually. I contribute its tardiness to stress. As for the swollen boobies? I’m still not sure about that…maybe it’s the medication? If my boobs get smaller after I’m off the meds, I’ll be sure to send out a message to all my flat-chested girlfriends!)