Having a second child is not just twice the work. For me, and other mothers of multiple children I have spoken to, two children are triple, sometimes even quadruple the work of one kid!

With my in-laws having returned to Hong Kong, I am finally on my own in being the caretaker of a 4-month-old and a 17-month-old. Things are actually better than I had feared, but at the same time, I am completely drained by the end of each day and I tell all my friends to wait at least 2 years to have a second child if they could help it.

(For those who are wondering if we decided to get help with the kids, we want to see first if I could handle it by myself, with some help from my parents and my sister. Child care is so expensive these days and I would rather tough it out for these first few years so that we can save money for the kids’ education, starting with a good preschool for Claire which is only a year away!)

There are some things that come as a no-brainer when transitioning from one child to two. But every situation is different, and in ours, these are the changes we have made, or found ourselves making, to make our lives a bit easier.

1. Run the dishwasher.

Believe it or not, we used to barely use the dishwasher because of my OCD tendencies. This habit continued even after Claire was born, but now that time is even more limited and the extra 20 minutes washing the dishes by hand could honestly could be spent doing other things (even just sprawled out on the couch, zoning out in front of the TV), I have given in and decided that the machine will have to do.

We still wash all the baby bottles by hand, though. I haven’t quite let go on this front.

2. Take baths with Claire.

Since Claire was starting to grow out of her inflatable tub (the transition piece from her infant tub to the grown-up, full-sized bathtub) — and because I was finding it harder and harder to find the time to keep up with personal hygiene — we have purchased a large bath mat and a sprout cover so that I can just hop in the tub with her. (I even got a bottle of tear-free bubble bath to make the transition easier for her. ) I have never liked bathing or even showering with someone else, but you can’t beat killing two birds with one stone.

3. Leave the kids alone more.

I never realized I had been so dangerously close to becoming a helicopter parent until now. Because, as a post in one of my favorite parenting blogs, Free Range Kids, says, having multiple kids close together in age “will throw any perfectionist tendencies under the bus.” The author goes on to state:

I’ve started to see that one reason 1950s moms let their kids wander around all afternoon is that it was too hard to keep tabs on that many kids all the time. Smaller families make it possible to plan and monitor a child’s every move, and that possibility makes people think they should. If everyone had four small kids, leaving the three younger ones in the care of an 11-year-old while you ran a quick errand to the post office wouldn’t seem so nutty.

Do I pay attention to my kids? Of course! But I have also started to leave them to their own devices more and more. And when you take a step back, you can watch wonderful things start to unfold. Like earlier this week, when I left Aerin for some tummy time, and found Claire crawling up to her to join in and keep her entertained during her exercise!

It’s really, really difficult to get pictures of Claire these days because she’s so fascinated
with all electronics.

4. Give up much of my “me” time, via my computer.

This may seem obvious, but unless you have more than one child yourself, you won’t believe just how much more time a second (and subsequent) will consume. The biggest blow was dealt to my computer time and online presence — I now hardly spend time on Facebook, Twitter, and even…gulp…Google Reader! And when I do, I only have time to browse the first few items.

I have decided that blogging will remain at the top of my online presence, and as such, I take some time out every night to write a post for the next day. Even then, I know that this blog has been suffering for the past few months (and will probably continue to suffer for another year or so) because of my limited time and resources.

This is one area where I really envy working moms, or at least the kind that have the type of jobs that allow them some personal computer time.

5. Let the kids cry sometimes.

I am not a superwoman. I only have two legs and two arms. There are times when I can only devote my attention to one child. And during these times (as much as it pains me), I have to let the other cry, just as long as I know that they are in no physical pain or danger.

I do, however, try my best to avoid these situations as much as possible. For example, you should see me — all 5’1″ of me — carrying around both girls at once. (The upside to having two very young kids is that your arms will get diesel.) Or, when both are hungry, giving Aerin a bottle with my left hand while she is strapped to my chest in a carrier, and spoon-feeding Claire with my other hand.

Any idiot can tell you that being a parent is tiring. Sometimes, I am so drained by the end of the day that every bone in my body seems to ache, every muscle sore, and I actually feel nauseous from the physical exhaustion. And at these moments, all that gets me through the next minute and all subsequent units of ever-stretching time is knowing that soon, I will be able to rest my wearied body.

But once both kids are fed, bathed, and down for the night…

The second wind kicks in.

I like to compare my second wind with injecting a car engine with nitrous oxide.
(image source)

This renewed energy isn’t all bad. After all, it’s the only thing that allows us to do the dishes, fold the laundry, and tidy up the house. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to prepare meals for the following day. Without it, we wouldn’t even have the energy to feed ourselves dinner! Without it, our home would be in complete disarray.

But this bastard of a second wind is also responsible for keeping us in front of our computers, checking email, reading news sites, and writing blog posts. It keeps us attached to our phones playing the latest “it” game (which is, at the moment, is Draw Something). It dries out my contact lenses even further with one more page of that book that I simply must keep reading.

It is what is responsible for keeping us up until midnight, or 1 or even 2 in the morning when we all know very well that sleep — that wonderful, DELICIOUS sleep! — is what we crave the most when we are awake.

It’s no wonder that when the baby wakes up between 3:00-4:00am, we groggily wonder to ourselves, ‘Didn’t we JUST fall asleep?’

Why, yes, we did. And we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Welcome to today’s installment of Reverent Sundays, where I write about an aspect of my faith. This can deal with recent books I have read on Christianity, my thoughts on religion and current issues, as well as particular messages I find touching and/or powerful. I am aware that most of my readers are not religious, and that is fine — you are more than welcome to not read these posts if they make you uncomfortable, enrage you, or bore you to tears. I am open to debates and discussions in the comments section as long as everyone remains respectful. Enjoy!

I love my children. I am amazed whenever I gaze upon their faces. I take delight in their happiness. And as I have said in the past, becoming a mother is helping me be a better person — and bringing me closer to God.

But, as long-time readers of this blog may know, motherhood has not been easy for me. And never has the doctrine of inherent sin been more clear to me until I had babies and witnessed their little bodies and spirits already be tainted by sin.

But wait — doesn’t Jesus tell us that ”whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it” (Luke 18:17)? Yes, and this is certainly one of the most-quoted verses of the Bible, and for good reason: we must all embrace Christ with a childlike faith. (See “Like a Child” for a succinct list of qualities of a childlike faith.) But this does not mean that all children are innocent!

We do not teach our children to throw tantrums. We do not teach our children to be selfish. We do not teach our children to hit others, throw objects, or lie (studies show that infants begin to lie as early as 6 months of age!). Yet they do these things without incitement, as if they were ingrained in them from the start.

Non-believers may call these survival instincts, or even just human nature. We call them the by-products of original sin — inherent sin. Because we ALL (even tiny babies!) are sinners and fall short the glory of God.

This may seem a bit harsh, and even discouraging. But I do not see it as so. Instead, I look at my girls — at their imperfections, their sins…and I realize the sheer amount of love that I, as a sinner, have for them and become simply OVERCOME. Because the amount of love that this sinner has for these sinners, knowing that it is IMPERFECT love, makes me grasp just how much more and how perfect God’s love must be for us.

Every day I remind myself what our pastor taught us at Claire’s baptism class: our #1 job as Christian parents should be to make sure that our children will never know a day when they did not feel loved by God. And I like to add my own reminder to this reminder, that I should strive my best to love our children the way that God loves us, and I pray that God will help me do so.

Yesterday, J suggested that we take both girls and — with the help of his parents — go have lunch at a Hibachi Steakhouse.

Before I go on, I should state that I do not particularly like taking my kids to “adult” places. If the locale is specifically marketed as a family-friendly establishment? Sure, let’s go for it! But otherwise, I am a firm believer that most patrons of restaurants, theaters, and such pay the markup for the experience, and have the right to get annoyed when children are ill-behaved, or when babies won’t stop crying.

(And although I am a mother myself, I personally would pay more for a child-free cabin if I were flying without my kids.)

But this time around, I honestly believed that Claire would be fascinated by the Hibachi style of cooking, just as she had loved the Liberty Science Center. As for Aerin? We figured that we could time it so that lunch could coincide with a nap, and that she could be peacefully sleeping in her carseat on an adjacent chair while the rest of the family were dined and entertained by a Hibachi chef.

As soon as the chef arrived and performed his first showy act — a hissing river of steam angrily rising from the stove — we realized we had made a big mistake.

Because Claire started BAWLING.

Not just tears and sobs. Hysterical, red-faced WAILING with tears streaming down her face.

J’s father immediately scooped her up from the high chair and embraced her in a hug while we all pitched in to help calm her down. We tried distracting her, as well as clapping and excitedly saying “Yay!!!” whenever the chef performed a new act. But no dice. Claire seemed to only grow more and more terrified of the scary Hibachi man and his bag of tricks. Eventually, J and his father had to take turns walking her around to other parts of the restaurant because every time that they attempted to return her to the table, she would start crying again.

I felt horrible for the chef and the nice old ladies who shared the table with us. HORRIBLE. I couldn’t apologize enough.

(I also couldn’t help but look on to a nearby table with envy, because a little boy who seemed a few months younger than Claire sat in his high chair, laughing and clapping and simply enthralled by the Hibachi cooking.)

As for Aerin? She decided that she didn’t want to nap at all and started crying too. I barely got to eat my food because I had to bounce her while pacing in order to keep her quiet.

However, I’m happy to report that the outing wasn’t a complete bust. After the chef left the table, we tried one last time to return Claire to the table and she started crying again. But right then, our waitress served us dessert — ice cream! — and once Claire had a spoonful, she immediately shut up.

This was Claire’s very first time having ice cream, and it was clear that the girl loved it. We gave her four flavors to try: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and green tea. And soon, it also became apparent that she had a favorite flavor: chocolate!

Claire loved the ice cream so much that she began to dance along to the music playing at the restaurant and J caught a bit via his phone:

Isn’t it funny how we don’t teach babies to dance and they all still move their bodies along to music? Whenever Claire starts shaking her little booty even just a bit, I can’t help but think back to this video from when she was 11 months old:

J and I think that the scary Hibachi chef continued to linger on Claire’s mind, because she randomly cried out in her sleep throughout the night.  Next time, we’ll be sure to remember that our firstborn is an overly shy, cautious little girl who tends to scare easily. 

Welcome to today’s installment of Cool Tool Tuesdays, where I feature a favorite item from my life and spotlight it so that others who are not familiar with the product may also benefit from it. A cool tool can be any book, gadget, software, hardware, material, or website that I have personally tried and love.

Do you have any questions about today’s cool tool? Would you like an item featured in the future? Please leave a comment to this post, or send me a message via my contact form. Enjoy!

Do you remember the episode of Friends titled “The One with the Baby Shower”? Yes, I know Bamboozled is an epic game show we would all like to see live on TV, but I would like to talk about the story behind the title of the episode — more specifically, the scene at the baby shower where Rachel starts to freak out about not knowing anything about babies.

Oh mom, I swear I’m not an idiot. I’ve read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I — I just didn’t think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And — and then guess what? The baby’s coming and I don’t know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my Diaper Genie?

“Wait a minute. That can’t be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?”

This is actually a common problem amongst many first time parents. Even if you take baby care classes and read parenting books left and right, there is no denying that every parent goes through that moment of “Oh crap. I have NO idea what I am doing.”

Like the first time J and I gave Claire a bath. Although I have babysat and even nannied for babies in the past, my responsibilities had never included bathing an infant. Needless to say, we were petrified at the thought of bathing our daughter in — gasp! — WATER for the very first time and we had no idea how to do it. Should it be a two-person job? Do we submerge her all the way up to her neck? How do we shampoo her hair without getting the soap in her eyes?

In the end, we ended up doing a YouTube search for babies being bathed.

I wish that we had the topic of today’s Cool Tool Tuesdays on hand that first frantic week, because it would have saved us a lot of time and many doubts! Because today, I will be highlighting my personal favorite baby care book: The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance.

The book, written as if your baby is a product to be “maintained,” is filled with facts, instructions, and diagrams that explore hundreds of questions that first-time parents may ask, in a humorous and straight-to-the-point manner.

At first glance, the book is a satire — think of a VCR manual, except with babies. But it really is filled with great tips and information from board-certified pediatrician Dr. Louis Borgenicht and his son Joe Borgenicht, who is “a first-time father who frequently telephones his dad for advice.”

Perhaps it is due to my penchant for illustrations and diagrams. Or perhaps it is because I have no desire to read through hundreds of pages of fluff that is so prevalent with other baby care books. (Informative, yes — but still fluff when there is only ONE THING you need to know, especially when that tidbit is needed at 3am with a screaming baby in your arms.) Because as those first few weeks turned into months, I found myself reaching for this book over and over again, leaving the likes of What to Expect the First Year and Baby 411 gathering dust.

Another huge plus is that because the book is written with men in mind, they are much more likely to be receptive to it. I know that J cracked it open on more than a few occasions when he had questions that needed to be answered.

The Baby Owner’s Manual is sure to make a great gift for first-time parents. The other two books in the series — The Pregnancy Instruction Manual and The Toddler Owner’s Manual — look intriguing as well, and I am especially tempted by the toddler one!

Still doubtful? You can get a nice preview of the book before deciding to buy — most of the book’s contents are available via Google Books!