The past few days have been utterly exhausting:

• My father being in the hospital (Fortunately, he is now discharged and surgery is not required. Thank you for your thoughts and support!)
• Claire got a throat infection
• I’m sick too
• Aerin is being extra, extra clingy towards me

Blogging will resume when my life returns to a semi-normal state!

Last night, my father was admitted to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. It turns out that the walls of his gall bladder have thickened and hardened from his Hepatitis B. The doctors are still not sure if he will need surgery. They have given him some pain meds but he is still in some discomfort. Additonally, they won’t let him eat or drink anything just in case he does need surgery, which is very frustrating considering that he has been here for almost a full day now.

My father has blood clotting problems that stem from his Hepatitis, so even a minor surgery can be risky.

I am currently writing this on my phone, at the hospital, while my father naps. Your prayers and support would be very appreciated…

Welcome to today’s installment of Reverent Sundays, where I write about an aspect of my faith. This can deal with recent books I have read on Christianity, my thoughts on religion and current issues, as well as particular messages I find touching and/or powerful. I am aware that most of my readers are not religious, and that is fine — you are more than welcome to not read these posts if they make you uncomfortable, enrage you, or bore you to tears. I am open to debates and discussions in the comments section as long as everyone remains respectful. Enjoy!

Earlier this week, Jenna of That Wife fame wrote a very moving and eloquent piece on her changed views on homosexuality.

I am extremely happy for Jenna — I think that she is making some very brave and intelligent steps in improving herself and her life by challenging and questioning her belief systems.

Reading what she has written, in addition to the numerous comments the post received, I realized that I have never thoroughly talked about my views on homosexuality on this blog. Yes, visitors have brought it up various times on my past posts on Christianity, and I have tried my best to answer those questions. But I have never outright stated, in a post, what my position on homosexuality is as a Protestant Christian who believes the Bible is true and complete.

And I feel the need to say this because it is a view I have not seen openly shared by many people, at least in my (mostly very liberal) social circle or among my internet friends…even within the Christian blogs I read and study!

So here it goes.

Let’s start with a bit about my background. I was raised in a Christian home and attended church since I was born. However, there was a period in my life — a few years in my early twenties — when I would be best described as an agnostic and distanced myself from the church.

What made me return to the church was my studying and challenging various belief systems. I took religious courses, read numerous books, and spoke to those with different beliefs and walks of life. I even researched famous atheists like Richard Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens. But after gathering all this knowledge, what eventually happened was that I not only returned, but also began to embrace the Christian faith even more than I ever had before.

Do I believe that homosexuality is a sin? Yes. There are both Old and New Testament accounts for this belief, and you can read “What the Bible says and means about same-sex behavior” (from ReligiousTolerance.org, a site that aims to remain unbiased by providing different perspectives)  if you would like to see where and why.*

HOWEVER, I do not believe that homosexuality should be as big of a deal as the American Christian church makes it out to be. I do not believe that it is a “bigger” sin than others — in the sense that sin is sin and all sin can be forgiven through the grace of God except for the unpardonable sin — and I know that I have committed much graver sins in my lifetime than homosexuality. (And this is coming from a person who has never been arrested, whose biggest illegal offense probably was trying pot a few times in college.)

For example, I believe that pride, as the very first sin ever committed, is a much more dangerous sin than homosexuality will ever be, especially because it affects practically everyone who has ever walked this earth, and it is one that I too struggle with on a daily basis.

I believe that genetics can affect a person’s sexual orientation. I believe that some people are “born this way.” And I believe that these are all results of original sin. (The ramifications of original sin are manifested spiritually and physically.)

What I do NOT believe is condemning others for their sins when it is only God who has the right to do so.** What I do NOT believe is withholding rights from the LGBTQ population.

So when it comes down for it, I am not against gay marriage.

I personally believe that in this day and age, the high rates of divorce are a much bigger
threat to the traditional Christian marriage than gay marriage. (image source) 

At the same time, to me, as a Christian, the sacrament of marriage is one that can only be shared between one man and one woman. I believe that it is a promise to God that should strive to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. (I will be writing more about it in a future Reverent Sundays in a book review for Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage.)

The sad thing is, though, that Christians are not the only people in existence. And while the very first marriage between Adam and Eve was indeed a religious one, their fall to sin initiated a chain of events that affected the rest of human history. So the fact of the matter is, marriage is no longer seen as a religious institution by a large portion of the population. That is to say, a Christian meaning of marriage is different from that of a non-religious person.

Should there exist different words for a religious marriage and a secular marriage (i.e., civil unions)? I’m not sure. But this is where we start to tread on the “separate but equal” territory, which I know has its limitations.

The only possible compromise I can think of is to make civil unions the officially recognized form of a lifelong commitment to a partner under the law. (Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe some countries already do this.) And those who see marriage — or another applicable word — as being a religious institution can go ahead and have a religious ceremony in addition to a civil union, so that we could be married in the eyes of God in addition to being legally married.

I guess what I am saying is that yes, I am fully willing to go an extra step to be “married” in the Christian sense of the word.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am a firm believer in evangelizing and spreading God’s word. (Not only because it was commanded, but because I see it as such a great message that I truly want to share it with others.) However, I do not believe that forcing your beliefs down others’ throats is the best way to go about doing this. And spreading God’s Word through hate and violence? Definitely not the right way.

While I would love to see the entire world be true lovers and followers of Christ, I know that this is just not possible in this world.

Do I believe that a Christian can be gay? Yes, just as there are Christian adulterers, liars, and thieves. Do I condone their sins? No, but I do not actively condemn them either, unless that sin is harming others or the sinner continually places that sin ahead of God. Should gays be welcomed, loved, and embraced by the church? Abso-freakin-lutely!

I know that there exist so many gray areas within this debate. For example, many people state that what two consenting adults choose to do with their love lives should be of no one else’s concern. But how about in the cases of incest and polygamy, or even when people start marrying objects (e.g., the case of a man marrying a virtual person in Japan, or a woman marrying a building here in the U.S.)? And what about the argument that even as Jesus loved sinners, He also told them to “sin no more”?

The fact of the matter is, I know that my opinion is just one of many surrounding this topic. I also know that I could be very wrong, and that even if I had the best teachers and information available on hand, I could never fully comprehend God’s intentions and plans.

Additionally, I do not believe that the concept of gay marriage is one that is so devastating or threatening to the Christian faith. It is not a major doctrine or tenet of our belief. And whether or not a gay couple can get married does not negate the fact that an one and all-powerful God sent His only Son to die for us on the cross, and by this grace we are saved.

Besides, Jesus states that the two greatest commandments are to love God, and to love your neighbor as yourself. I think that whenever we, as Christians, are faced with situations in which we are not entirely sure how to act, we should always remember these.

* Recently there have been groups such as Soulforce that are challenging the traditional Christian view that homosexuality is a sin. I encourage you to read their article “What the Bible Says — And Doesn’t Say — About Homosexuality” in addition to the “What the Bible says and means about same-sex behavior” article I referenced above. After reading both articles (and others if needed) and praying about the topic, I encourage you to make your own decision regarding whether or not homosexuality is Biblically a sin.

What I will say is that Soulforce fails to mention God’s covenant design for marriage. Additionally, their assertion that “Only six or seven of the Bible’s one million verses refer to same-sex behavior in any way” is a bit disturbing when you consider that this is coming from someone who claims to have 50+ years of studying the Bible. The truth is that the Bible doesn’t even come close to having a million verses; it doesn’t even have a million words and the number of verses is closer to 31,000. I know that this is just one minor part of their argument, but one can’t help but question the scriptural authority of someone who has made such a mistake.

** The obvious exceptions to this statement are sins that impede on others’ rights to life, liberty, and happiness. And in most of these cases, our governments have constructed, and continue to enforce, laws so that there is no need for ordinary citizens to judge and convict.

ETA, 9:36am: I just realized that I have forgotten the usual header for Reverent Sundays, so I have gone ahead and added that. I will actually be out most of the day, so I will not be able to respond to any more comments until this evening or even tomorrow. Thank you for those who have commented so far!

Welcome to today’s installment of Cool Tool Tuesdays, where I feature a favorite item from my life and spotlight it so that others who are not familiar with the product may also benefit from it. A cool tool can be any book, gadget, software, hardware, material, or website that I have personally tried and love.

Do you have any questions about today’s cool tool? Would you like an item featured in the future? Please leave a comment to this post, or send me a message via my contact form. Enjoy!

Do you remember the episode of Friends titled “The One with the Baby Shower”? Yes, I know Bamboozled is an epic game show we would all like to see live on TV, but I would like to talk about the story behind the title of the episode — more specifically, the scene at the baby shower where Rachel starts to freak out about not knowing anything about babies.

Oh mom, I swear I’m not an idiot. I’ve read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I — I just didn’t think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And — and then guess what? The baby’s coming and I don’t know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my Diaper Genie?

“Wait a minute. That can’t be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?”

This is actually a common problem amongst many first time parents. Even if you take baby care classes and read parenting books left and right, there is no denying that every parent goes through that moment of “Oh crap. I have NO idea what I am doing.”

Like the first time J and I gave Claire a bath. Although I have babysat and even nannied for babies in the past, my responsibilities had never included bathing an infant. Needless to say, we were petrified at the thought of bathing our daughter in — gasp! — WATER for the very first time and we had no idea how to do it. Should it be a two-person job? Do we submerge her all the way up to her neck? How do we shampoo her hair without getting the soap in her eyes?

In the end, we ended up doing a YouTube search for babies being bathed.

I wish that we had the topic of today’s Cool Tool Tuesdays on hand that first frantic week, because it would have saved us a lot of time and many doubts! Because today, I will be highlighting my personal favorite baby care book: The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance.

The book, written as if your baby is a product to be “maintained,” is filled with facts, instructions, and diagrams that explore hundreds of questions that first-time parents may ask, in a humorous and straight-to-the-point manner.

At first glance, the book is a satire — think of a VCR manual, except with babies. But it really is filled with great tips and information from board-certified pediatrician Dr. Louis Borgenicht and his son Joe Borgenicht, who is “a first-time father who frequently telephones his dad for advice.”

Perhaps it is due to my penchant for illustrations and diagrams. Or perhaps it is because I have no desire to read through hundreds of pages of fluff that is so prevalent with other baby care books. (Informative, yes — but still fluff when there is only ONE THING you need to know, especially when that tidbit is needed at 3am with a screaming baby in your arms.) Because as those first few weeks turned into months, I found myself reaching for this book over and over again, leaving the likes of What to Expect the First Year and Baby 411 gathering dust.

Another huge plus is that because the book is written with men in mind, they are much more likely to be receptive to it. I know that J cracked it open on more than a few occasions when he had questions that needed to be answered.

The Baby Owner’s Manual is sure to make a great gift for first-time parents. The other two books in the series — The Pregnancy Instruction Manual and The Toddler Owner’s Manual — look intriguing as well, and I am especially tempted by the toddler one!

Still doubtful? You can get a nice preview of the book before deciding to buy — most of the book’s contents are available via Google Books!

One of my ex-boyfriends is just 15 months younger than his older sister. When we started dating, he told me how, shortly after he was born, his parents sent his sister to go live with the grandparents for a year because taking care of two very young kids — one of whom was extremely colicky — was just too difficult for his mother.

I remember reacting to this story with judgement. “HOW can anyone send their own child away? That’s just absurd!”

Now, being a mother to two children just 13 months apart, I can understand why they did this. Not that I want to send Claire or Aerin away, but I can understand.

In just a couple of weeks, J’s parents will be returning to Hong Kong, which means that I will no longer have help with the kids.

And I am scared.

Correction: I AM TERRIFIED.

At 16 months old, Claire is still very much a toddler just learning to be a toddler. She still falls down and trips easily. She is starting to assert her independence. She tests our boundaries. And while she certainly understands the word “No,” she is more likely than not to ignore the warning unless you find a way to distract her, or forcibly stop her (which is guaranteed to end in tears). Additionally, because she is still too young, I can’t fully reason or bargain with her.

At 3 months old, Aerin is severely attached to me. She will not let anyone else even feed her. I am the only one who can keep her from screaming her lungs out. (And yes, she has been known to continually, hysterically cry for over an hour at a time when I am not available.) Unlike Claire, who never really liked cuddling from the beginning, Aerin loves to be held and cuddled and insists on being held by her mommy at all times.

As for how I will manage to take care of both of them, all day, every day, is beyond me. Yes I can put Aerin in a carrier…but she only likes being in a carrier face-out and only for about 15 minutes at a time. I can get a big playpen and leave Claire in there, but she is at a stage where she wants, and needs to explore the world that this too, would only last about 15 minutes before she starts to throw a tantrum.

This is on top of my lack of sleep. Ever since Aerin hit a sleep regression a couple of weeks ago, I have been so tired that I feel nauseous all day. I have lost 5 lbs in one week. My concentration and patience wanes with each passing day and more often than not, I will start crying too whenever one of the kids (or both) has a meltdown.

And this is when I have help.

I have considered going back to work and putting both kids in daycare. But the good daycares in our area would cost us about $4,500/month for both kids and that’s about how much I made at my old job after taxes and other deductions — now that the economy is down and the NYC market is oversaturated with people in my field, I cannot realistically expect to earn that much when similar job descriptions are paying much less.

We have considered putting Claire in a part-time daycare, but part-time spots are rare and the waiting lists are over a year long.

We are in no financial situation to hire a nanny.

The logical thing to do would be to just tough it out. Let the kids cry. Let them watch TV when I need a break. Let the house get messy. Do whatever it takes to just survive. Trust in God. (I just wrote a post about it yesterday, for goodness sake!)

And, if push comes to shove, we will need to make additional sacrifices to hire a part-time nanny or a mother’s helper.