It is no secret that my father loves his two daughters and openly tells people over and over again how having two girls has taught him to be more sensitive, more responsible, and a better man in general.

And as it was with Claire, it was he who was the happiest to hear the news that we are expecting another girl.

However, I know that this was not always the case. I know that having lived most of his life in Korea — formerly a strongly patriarchal society — he must have had bouts of disappointment at not having sired a boy. (Surveys now show that for the first time in Korean society, parents prefer to have girls over boys. This is a significant shift in a country that once made it illegal for doctors to reveal the gender of an unborn baby due to the high rate of gender-selection abortion.)

So earlier this week, I asked my mother if my father ever expressed disappointment at never having a boy. She then proceeded to tell me her birth story…

“Back then, men weren’t allowed in the delivery rooms,” my mother recounted. “In fact, most men just stayed home until they received word that the baby was born. And because I was in labor for such a long time, your father went out with his friends for a celebratory drink.

“When he returned, I had given birth! But as soon as the nurses informed him that it was a girl…

“…he went out for another drink with his friends to drown his sorrows at you not being a boy!”

My dad and I, circa 1983.

We both had a good laugh over the story. Knowing my father was initially disappointed that I was not a boy does not bother me in the slightest, because that was waaayyyyyy in the past, and I know that his love for me has grown exponentially since then. (Just as I know that Claire won’t mind that I did not fall in love with her at first sight.)

Besides, that was the norm — almost expected behavior — back then, in Korea. Can you imagine the sh*tstorm that would rain down on a father that would do that in this day and age?

Over the weekend, the NYTimes ran an article titled “Baby Makes Four, and Complications” which tells the story of a woman, her son, her sperm donor and his lover, citing them as an example of the changing face of the American family.

This was no big news to me. After all, the idea of the traditional nuclear family is being questioned every day, and for the first time ever, the percentage of households headed by married couples has dropped below 50 percent (according to 2010 U.S. Census figures).

What particularly caught my eye about the article was its accompanying interactive webpage, “How Many Households Are Like Yours?” Upon entering the page, the visitor is prompted to choose the primary residents of his/her household, to see how their household compares to the rest of America, and to explore how the different types of American families have changed over time.

I quickly entered our household stats: a married couple with two children (BebeDeux isn’t born yet but she still counts in my eyes) under the age of 18. Here is how we stacked up:

I was pretty surprised by the results — I really believed that a married couple with two kids would account for more than 7.25% of all U.S. households!

It was also interesting to note that compared to other groups, a higher proportion of Asians live in our type of household, and how we fit right into the $75k-$150k income category. (I guess we are pretty stereotypical?  )

How does your household compare? Are you at all surprised by the statistics?

Lately I have been plagued with a nagging uncertainty that makes me wonder if I had peaked too early in life.

Allow me to explain.

Before the age of 20, I was a Little Miss Overachiever: straight ‘A’s in school, tons of extracurricular activities, numerous awards, distinctions, and merits. My accomplishments included the following:

Not only did I qualify for the regional orchestra made up of 50 high schools in the lower NY area, I wrangled solo performances.

I was accepted to the über-prestigious Cooper Union School of Art’s Saturday Program (which has since divided into the Saturday Program and the Outreach Program) which allowed me to take art classes — for free — every Saturday for an entire summer from some of the nation’s most respected instructors in visual arts. I was one of the 40 students chosen out of more than 350 who applied…and I was one of the two high school sophomores (of the mostly juniors and seniors) who made the cut.

I held an internship — a paid internship — at one of the most famous and most respected art museums in the country: The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

I did not think too highly of these honors at the time, because all I had done is to do the work, apply, and get in. Only do I realize now that these were BIG FRIGGIN’ DEALS. Even my own sister, who is currently a PhD candidate in Art History, has recently asked me, “How in the world did you manage to land that Met internship?”

Post-college, I’ve only held two long-term jobs. While they were fairly respectable and paid well, they were nothing to brag about.

I am now a SAHM with an 8-month-old daughter and another kid on the way. I have not contributed to the household income for the past couple of years, and my life is, frankly, not very exciting.

Did I “peak” too early?

I’m writing this on my phone while in the car so I don’t have any
relevent pictures for this post. You’ll have to make do with this
old picture of Claire’s first bath.

When I brought up these concerns with J, he assured me that while the accomplishments of my youth are great to be sure, they are worldy accomplishments, or ones that may seem to matter most to society. Meanwhile, having children and raising them, being a good mother and a wife and a daughter — that is what is more important to him and to our family, and that they far outweigh whatever I may have done in the past.

I know that many mothers consider their children to be their greatest accomplishments, but I do not feel this way. I consider nabbing my husband to be my #1 achievement.

Do you ever have fears that you may have peaked too early? How do you deal with the doubts?

While Claire’s nighttime sleep has somewhat returned to normal, her naps are still a mess. All week I had been dealing with 15-30 minute naps…and she only takes two per day! I try to make up for her lack of sleep with early bedtimes, but keeping a cranky, teething (no top teeth yet), sleep-deprived baby entertained all day every day has been taking a toll on my patience.

My wonderful husband knew how stressed I was by the time Friday rolled around, so he contacted a girlfriend of mine and asked her if she would take me out Saturday so I could get a break from the baby and enjoy some adult-only company while he stays home with Claire. (Have I mentioned lately how much I love this man?) Needless to say, I had a wonderful time yesterday and I am feeling refreshed and recharged.

Right now I am writing this post on my phone while J drives us to my parents’ for a Memorial Day BBQ. As you can see from the below picture, we dressed Claire in an adorable outfit for the occasion. I must admit that baby clothes are much cuter and fun with the warm weather – we’ve been putting all the great hand-me-downs we’ve received to good use.

Posting will continue to be light this weekend, especially since I have been working hard at redesigning the site in order to make room for ads.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

With the increasing number of studies and articles questioning the value of college degrees, in addition to the declining rates of employment and starting salaries among new graduates, it is no wonder that today’s young adults are fraught with regrets about their college choices.

According to a recent study by Rutgers University’s Heldrich Center for Workforce Development, a full 74% of recent graduates wish that they had done something differently about their college careers. At the top of the list is choosing a different major, with getting more internships/experience a close second:

I can’t help but be reminded of myself and my husband when reading articles such as these. Shortly after we had first started dating, I had asked him, “If you could go back in time and change one thing about your past, what would it be?”

“College. I would’ve taken that scholarship at NYU instead.”

Incidentally, that was my answer too. Except I would have gone with Columbia.

What is so ironic about our matching answers is that we had met in college; if we had not attended JHU, we probably would have never met.

But then again, NYU and Columbia are in the same city so there is still a slight chance that fate would have intervened.

What about you? Do you have any big regrets about life? What is your biggest regret about college?

Via Geekosystem.