Nov 20, 2009  •  In Books, Geek, Music, Star Wars

In Two Hours, I’ll Be Waiting in Line…

No, not for Twilight (err, New Moon? Pale Moon?). I hate Twilight. I thought the book was so poorly written that I found the movie — which I downloaded to watch one night while battling insomnia, then trashed immediately after viewing — to be better because at least all the pages full of “staring longingly into each others’ eyes” were gone.

“Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people…. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.” -Stephen King, in an interview with USAWeekend

Instead, I will be waiting in anticipation to be whisked away to a galaxy far, far away…

Star Wars: In Concert

It is a geek’s wet dream.

Have a nice weekend!

Nov 20, 2009  •  In Blogging, Personal, Wedding

The Black “Bee” of the Group

Being accepted as a blogger for Weddingbee has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have forged amazing friendships, learned a great deal about blogging (and being a better person in general), and have found a treasure trove of inspiration for all aspects of my life.

That being said, I sometimes get annoyed that the internet community only seems to see me as “Mrs. Peony from Weddingbee.” Readers follow this blog, or subscribe to my Twitter, expecting to see wedding/crafts/DIY/newlywed updates…and leave when they see that this is not the case.

Then there are those who I know in real life, who see me as a wedding-obsessed freak just because I blogged for a wedding site.

I am sure my fellow Weddingbee bloggers can attest to these emotions, and I am thankful that I have a group of people who understand where I’m coming from.

However, I sometimes feel like the black sheep of the Weddingbee clan too. Okay, maybe not as extreme as a black sheep. Perhaps the term I’m looking for is “sticking out like a sore thumb.”

I am not a fan of Etsy and I find Anthropology a bit too frilly. I have never bought anything from sample sale sites like Gilt Groupe or Rue La La (because even their discount prices are often too expensive for my tastes). In fact, I don’t like shopping in general…even online shopping!

The object of many women’s delights. Unfortunately, I am not one of those women.

My personal style tends to lean toward the minimal, with a preference for muted solids — no patterns or bright colors for me. My home is all beige, grey, brown and black (I just realized while typing this that even the dog fits into this muted palette!) with pops of red here and there. We don’t have much decor in the house and the walls remain free of art or photos.

Even when planning my wedding, I kept a safe distance from the ever-so-popular bird cake toppers and Paloma’s Nest bowls. They just seemed too cute and kitschy for my tastes, and there were even times when I questioned my style (or lack thereof). Is there something incredibly wrong with me?

I hate the outdoors. I prefer cash over other gifts. I have a vulgar and immature sense of humor. Most people find me a bit stand-offish, blunt, and socially awkward. I am nothing like the charming, well-mannered ladies of impeccable taste that comprise Weddingbee.

Sometimes I am glad that I applied to blog for Weddingbee back in 2007, when the site was just starting to gain popularity on the web. I’m pretty sure that my application would be rejected if I were to apply today.

ETA: I sat on this post for a few days before deciding to publish it, because I was afraid some of my fellow Weddingbee bloggers may find it offensive. Please know that this post is not an attack on your style and preferences at all — I am merely stating that my likes & dislikes seem so different from that of the majority of the Bees. I love you all. Really, I do. <3

Nov 18, 2009  •  In Personal, Pregnancy

The Bloodstain on the Couch

Yesterday I got my first period since losing the baby. From reading other women’s experiences, I knew that it would be heavier than normal. I knew that it would more painful than normal. I had prepared myself for it…or so I thought.

The pain was excruciating, and my usual go-to remedy of Midol only dulled it some. Within the first few hours, I soaked through an entire pad and a tampon. The blood leaked right through my pants and onto our sand-colored couch.

Scrub. You failed as a woman.

Scrub. You failed as a mother.

Scrub. Your baby is dead.

No matter how long I soaked the stain, no matter how hard I scrubbed, it refused to come out.

The painful reminder of my failed pregnancy was set, fully visible right smack dab in the middle of the living room.

As if that weren’t enough, I received an email from an acquaintance asking how the pregnancy was going. “You must really be showing by now!” Delete.

Three women I know are due next month. Nine others next year. As happy as I am for them, I can’t help but feel saddened as I look down at my empty womb. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t become one of those women — the bitter ones whose sorrows overshadow others’ happiness. But as time go by, I am finding myself more and more like one each day. With each belly shot, each photo of baby purchases, I am reminded of our loss and I die a little bit inside.

The memory of that last ultrasound haunts me every night. The images of the fully formed body. The head, the limbs, even the tiny hands and feet…

And I have a horrible feeling that I will look at our future children and ask myself, “Why were they able to survive when our first didn’t?”

Yesterday I got my first period since losing the baby. Yesterday I lost my baby again.

Nov 18, 2009  •  In Entertainment

Be Sure to Keep Next Monday Night Free…

Because the next legend…wait for it…dary slap will air on HIMYM!

Earlier this year, I read an article on which stated that How I Met Your Mother has taken the throne once occupied by Friends as this decade’s defining sitcom. I couldn’t agree more!

Is anyone else as big of a HIMYM fan as me?