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As “That Month” Approaches…

I am officially in my second trimester and feeling great. I check my baby’s heartbeat with a fetal doppler every few days and know that it’s doing okay.

But as “that month” approaches, I can’t help but be depressed.

The nursery would be almost fully prepared. I should be waddling around with my stomach “out to there.” I would have been excitedly awaiting the birth of my little one in just a few weeks, not months.

The month of April will be hell for me; I just know it. J will be busy at work with the big project that isn’t scheduled to finish until the next month. My in-laws have decided to visit for 1.5 months so I will be extra stressed out. We will be attending our university’s homecoming and a family wedding — both of which I had been planning on attending with a fully pregnant belly — with barely a belly pooch.

Is it wrong for me to feel so sad and jealous of the women who are planning to give birth soon? Because it sure does feel like it. Like I’m betraying them, and the baby currently inside of me.

April will be a month of grieving and mourning. April 22 will be especially dark and lonely. So please don’t mind me if I act extra moody and emotional, or even disappear for days on end in the upcoming weeks.