Redditor Cabbagetroll has written the stories of the Bible in TL;DR (that’s “too long; didn’t read” for you clueless folks) form.
GENESIS
God: All right, you two, don’t do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys
THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won’t do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys
THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don’t do the things anymore.
Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We’ve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other people: We’re going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn’t do the things.
Other people: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys
PAUL’S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.
PAUL’S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys
REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.
And in true Reddit/internet form, the comments are worth reading too!
JOB
Job: I didn’t do the things. Can You ease up a bit?
God: No
Job: Guy
THE STORY OF JOSEPH
Joseph: I love my brothers.
Brothers: We hate you. [Sells Joseph to neighbors as slave.]
Brothers: We’re starving, let’s ask our neighbors for food.
[plot twist like a bad M Night Shyamalan movie]
Joseph: The neighbors made me boss. Okay here’s food.
LEVITICUS
God: And here’s every reason why you’re sinners.
THE STORY OF DAVID & BATHSHEBA
God: Don’t do the thing.
David: But she’s naked and hot and I’m king so I can do what I want.
God: Guy.
JOHN 2:1-11
[Jesus’ mom asks him to make a booze run.]
In conclusion, I think it’s safe to say that the whole thread’s TL;DR should be “Guys.” 😛
