Geek in Heels - Page 161

Feb 20, 2010 • In Personal, Pregnancy

The Big News

Yes, I am pregnant again. And yes, I started this blog as soon as I found out last month. Please feel free to browse the archives. In the meantime, I’ve decided to answer any questions you might have…

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When did you find out?

I found out on the morning of J’s birthday, on January 27th. I was a bit reluctant to take the test, because I had taken one three days earlier to receive a big fat NEGATIVE. I was not having any symptoms, and our sexcapades had been off that month due to his crazy work hours and subsequently falling ill. I was certain that we had missed our window of opportunity and chalked up my late period to another irregular cycle.

But I decided to take one anyway, because a positive test would make a great birthday present, no?

Boy was I surprised to see the line starting to appear as soon as I finished peeing. It was faint, but definitely there.

How did you react?

I ran to our bed to show J (who was just starting to wake up), and as soon as he confirmed the line, I started bawling my eyes out.

I was SO. DAMN. INCREDIBLY. HAPPY.

J’s reaction was a lot more reserved. Later, he would joke that the baby had stolen his thunder (“It’s supposed to be my day!”).

How far along are you?

I am approximately seven and a half weeks along. The baby is due October 4th.

Have you been to a doctor yet? What did she say?

We had our trip to the ER last week, and our first OB appointment yesterday, and they say that everything looks perfect.

Most doctors will not see you until you’re 8-12 weeks along. Because of my last pregnancy ending in a miscarriage, I had the option of going in earlier for monitoring and additional testing.

However, before the 6-7 week mark, there really isn’t much that a doctor can do for you aside from confirm the pregnancy. Sure, they can test to make sure that your hCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels are doubling every 2-3 days, and to see if your progesterone levels are within normal range. However, even if something were to be problematic, there isn’t much they can do for you so early in the pregnancy.

Heck, there still isn’t much that the doc can do for me if the baby were to be in trouble again. But at this point, I knew that I would at least be able to see a heartbeat on the ultrasound.

What made you decide to tell now?

Some may say I’m making the announcement too early, that it’s bad luck and/or I’m setting myself up for disappointment again.

Some may wonder why I decided to wait so long after finding out to announce.

You can’t please everyone!

My personal reason for not announcing right away is fear. With my last pregnancy, I started having symptoms before getting the positive test result at 4 weeks. I am currently midway through my 7th week and have had hardly any symptoms aside from constant fatigue.

There is also the fact that the past two weeks have been so hard on me, both physically and mentally. I really wasn’t sure the baby would make it!

For this reason, I wanted to wait until my first appointment to confirm that I am, in fact, pregnant, and that the baby is doing well.

But still…aren’t you scared that you’ll miscarry again?

Of course I am. In fact, J wasn’t sure I should announce before the second trimester.

One thing I learned in the miscarriage support groups is that there is no safe zone. You can’t imagine how many women lose their babies well into their 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Then there are possible complications at birth, and nevermind SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome)!

After seeing the heartbeat, a woman’s chance of a miscarriage is at 4%. After passing the 12 week mark, it is 2%. To me, the difference in odds is not significant enough to warrant the extra month-long wait.

Some people admit that seeing a woman announce her pregnancy before the customary 12 weeks makes them uncomfortable. I do not see why this should be so — the choice is personal for everyone and they should not be made guilty for wanting to share their good news. I see this akin to people who become uncomfortable with the mention of a miscarriage. The topic is so taboo in our culture that it sickens me. While some may choose to grieve in private, others (like me) need and appreciate the support of friends and family.

Doctors estimate that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Some say that the number is even higher — one in three — and that many women do not even know they were pregnant because they miscarry so early.

I already beat the odds once by miscarrying so late into my first trimester. If I were to lose this baby as well, God surely had a good reason. All I can do is stay faithful.

What did you do differently this month to get pregnant?

I believe that one of the worst things you can say to a woman who is trying to get pregnant is “just relax” or “just let it happen.” You can’t understand how frustrating that is to someone who is longing to achieve something that millions of women apparently have no problem doing.

Some say that stress can hinder your TTC (trying to conceive) efforts. I call bullshit. I have read many reports stating that the only way stress can affect your reproductive cycle is if there is lots and LOTS of it.

When I admitted in January that I had started charting my basal body temperature in addition to trying other fertility tips, some people told me that I needed to chill out. Because surely only crazy, desperate women do those things!

It was only through charting that I realized I was ovulating late. It was only through extensive research and being a part of online TTC communities that I became well-aware of the numerous options that would increase my fertility.

I am now more comfortable than ever with my body and reproductive cycle. And when the time comes to start TTC again, I know exactly what to do and what to expect.

Will geekinheels.com turn into a baby blog?

One thing that pained me very much was seeing so many of my friends blogging/Twittering/Facebook-ing about their pregnancies and babies after losing a baby of my own.

So many of my readers have reached out to me following my miscarriage sharing stories of their own. Many more wrote to me when I announced we were TTC again, confessing of their own TTC woes.

And as a woman who waited 4 months to see a positive on a pregnancy test (which I know isn’t that bad compared to others who wait years), I know how much it can hurt to see baby-this and pregnancy-that on a site you read regularly. So I decided to create a new blog — this one — to chronicle this journey. Big announcements/milestones will be shared on the main blog, but this will be updated with the day-to-day stuff.

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Do you have any other questions? Leave a comment, and I’d be happy to answer them!

New Due Date

We had our first appointment with my OB this morning, and everything looks perfect.

That’s our baby — the squiggly thing that looks like a seahorse. The circle to the left of it is the yolk sac, which provides nutrients for the baby until the placenta is fully formed. We were even able to see the tiny line connecting the baby to the yolk sac, but it isn’t visible in this picture.

The heartbeat is strong and regular, and the doctor said that there is no need to worry at all at this point.

The OB did give us a new due date: October 4. I know most first pregnancies go past the 40-week mark, but I kinda wish the baby would arrive a bit early since we already have two October birthdays in my family (my mother and sister). At the same time, I’d still be happy if the baby were to arrive 2 weeks late — just as long as it is healthy!

The doctor is having us come in every two weeks instead of four because I am super-nervous and paranoid. Our next appointment is March 5th…I can’t wait!

Week 7

Dear Baby,

Our first OB appointment is tomorrow, but we have confirmed the pregnancy with a medical professional, saw you on screen — including your beating heart — and heard the thu-thump thu-thump of your heartbeat last Saturday at the ER.

They confirmed that our EDD (estimated due date) is October 7. Fertility Friend was right on target!

So today, you officially turn 7 weeks old.

You are now about half an inch long which is comparable to a blueberry. Your hands and feet are starting to emerge, and eyelids are beginning to cover your eyes.

Your eyes already have color — how cool is that? We all know that they will be brown like your mom & dad’s, but it’s still exciting to know, nonetheless.

Both hemispheres of your brain are growing, and your liver is producing red blood cells until your bone marrow can take over the job. You already have an appendix, pancreas, and kidneys! And a loop in your intestines is forming into your umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from your tiny body.

Your house — aka my uterus — has already doubled in size and I’m starting to get a pouch in my belly (on top of my pre-existing beer gut). My nausea has increased some but it still isn’t too bad. It’s funny how my nausea is the worst when I smell or taste the traditional Chinese medicine your father has gotten for me (I know, it tastes horrible).

I was so deathly afraid that something will go wrong with all the added stress of the past two weeks. The trip to the ER was not very fun because I was so sure that I had lost you. But those 5 hours were worth it, because we knew that you were safe and sound. We can’t wait to see you again tomorrow morning!

The Best Valentine’s Day Ever

It began with a rocky start (more on that on a later post).

But finally being able to see my husband after a week of being apart was simply the best present. I cried like a baby when I came home after work Saturday night and managed to spend the whole day Sunday together.

We slept in, watched reruns of How I Met Your Mother, ordered in, and took naps while cuddling. No presents were exchanged; nor did we make any dinner plans. But this was exactly what I needed after my tough week. It was simply perfect.

I return to work and my parents’ house tomorrow. But after this magical day, I know I can go through the next 4 days with ease.

I hope your Valentine’s Day was as special as mine. Back to cuddling for this blogger!

Week 6

Dear Baby,

We still have one more week until the doctor so I’m still not sure how old you are. But in my mind, you turn 6 weeks old today.

You are now the size of a snow pea. Your heart is beating — almost twice as fast as mine — and you are starting to sprout your arms and legs, which might wiggle by the week’s end.

This is a busy week for you. You are starting to grow your eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Your intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will eventually grow to your lungs has appeared. Your pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of your brain, muscles, and bones.

This has also been a busy week for your mom. I am in charge of my mother’s store while she is in Korea, and never have I felt more exhausted and overwhelmed. How does your grandmother do this 6 days a week? All I can say is that she is one tough cookie.

While I am glad to be helping out, I can’t help but be concerned that all this physical labor and added stress can’t be good for you.

Today, while taking a break at work, I started crying because I was so tired, overwhelmed, and worried. Mostly worried. Worried about you. Please be okay, baby. Please stay strong and keep growing.

My First Gray Hair

I know I said I’ll be away for at least a week but…

Today I discovered my first gray hair.

I know that many people start getting gray/white hair at an early age (including my husband, whose head has been peppered with white hair since his early twenties) but I know that this can only mean one thing —

— because I asked my mother (whose hair most closely resembles mine) when she first started graying and she replied “When you were 6 or 7” and she was 24 when she had me which means that at 29 I’m definitely just starting to gray —

I’m getting old.

My immediate reaction was to call J and cry. Yes, I CRIED. Call me immature, call me a drama queen. I cried over my first gray hair and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Do you have any gray/white hair? When did you first discover it?
How did you react?

P.S. — I’m having a horrible time thus far. I have a whole new appreciation for my mother who does this every day. I’m exhausted, cranky, and COLD (there’s no heater at the store). Oh, and did I mention that the water heater at my parents’ house is broken? I miss my husband…

A Short Hiatus

My grandfather is very, very ill.

My 외할아버지 managed to fly out to the states for my wedding in 2008 and looked badass in his newsboy cap and cane. He was in a lot of pain at the time but still managed to travel and smile throughout the day.

My mother has decided to go to Korea to say her final goodbyes. I will be taking charge of her store for the duration of her 10-day visit.

Since I will be working 12 hours a day, six days a week (with no computers), and will undoubtedly be exhausted from working on my feet all day, there will be little time for blogging.

Please keep my family in your prayers in this difficult time.

I promise to return in a couple of weeks with some big news.

In the meantime…

Let’s Go Saints!

Geek in Heels out.

Confessions

I confess that I still stalk the “Due in April 2010” message boards.

I confess that I still feel more comfortable in the “Trying to Get Pregnant” and “Miscarriage Support” groups.

I confess that I still get upset when I hear of acquaintances’ pregnancies — because I’m positive that they will go on to have healthy babies while I am bound to lose this one too.

Having a miscarriage was surely the most painful thing I’ve experienced in my 29 years of living. And it has no doubt changed me…I am not able to feel the joy and excitement of this pregnancy. I am not able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy.

It has taken away my innocence.

I hope to myself that it will get better with time, that my fears will slowly dissipate with each new milestone, that I will once again be exuberant at being pregnant and not be so fraught with worry every second of my life.

At the same time, I also know that I have yet to experience the pure joy that I felt from day one of my last pregnancy. I am afraid that I am, and will continue to be, detached from this baby and never love it as much as I did with my first.

One thing is for certain. If this baby continues to grow and I am able to give birth to it without major complications, I know that he/she will be that much more precious. This isn’t to say that women who never experience miscarriages love their children any less; rather, they will never fully understand just how lucky and blessed they are.

Please, God, let this one live…

Due Date and Fetal Development Calendar

Earlier today I happened upon this link which I’m finding to be tremendously helpful.

The calculator is aimed that women who are opting to go the IVF route, but it the data it provides can be handy for any pregnant woman who knows her ovulation date.

Postcards from Penguin

I have a fondness for old books, and old bookcovers are no exception. This is precisely the reason this set of 100 postcards, each featuring a different and iconic Penguin book jacket, makes me squeal with delight.