One of the steps I am taking on my road to recovery is to exercise — not only for the physical benefits, but for the added endorphines as well.

As mentioned in a previous post, my doctors have recommended yoga to help my neck heal and as a way to help me relax. I also remembered reading that Tony Horton, the founder of P90x, said in an interview that if he had to choose just one type of exercise, he would go with yoga.

The problem was that I have always found yoga to be boring in the past. So to make it more interesting for myself, I decided to check out hot yoga.

(I thought it was interesting to learn that there is a difference between hot yoga and Bikram yoga. In a nutshell, all Bikram yoga is hot, but not all hot yoga is Bikram.)

I was able to find a hot yoga studio near my parents’ house, and as luck would have it, the same company has a studio near where we live. My sister had warned me about the potential dangers of hot yoga, but I knew that my laziness would not allow me to push myself too far. I thoroughly read through the FAQs (what to expect, what to bring, etc.) and mentally prepared myself for my first class.

As I signed in at my first class, I told the instructor that this was my very first hot yoga class. She was welcoming and enthusiastic (without being annoyingly peppy), and told me that my goal for my first couple of classes should be just to stay for the entire 90 minutes. She added that I should not feel bad about myself if I am not able to do certain poses, or if I even need to sit down or lie down to give myself a break during class. Also, if I had to leave the room, I should just make eye contact with her to let her know that I’m okay, and quietly leave.

The studio I attend is simply gorgeous.

During my first class, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was not in quite as bad shape as I thought. I only had to sit out a couple of poses, and — the best part — I was able to stay the entire 90 minutes!

As for the heat? I had expected the room to be uncomfortably hot and humid, stuffy and malodorous. However, while the room WAS hot, it was not unbearably so. And the smell? The entire room smelled clean — no B.O. or harsh chemical smells — just a nice, fresh scent. Additionally, ceiling fans would periodically run to keep the air circulated during class. (Later, I was to learn that the studio cleans and disinfects everything between classes, and that they adhere to a very strict range of heat and humidity.)

After just 2 classes, I was able to flex myself to poses I could not previously do, and I found myself looking forward to class more and more.

In other words, I was hooked.

As you can see from the title of this post, I have only been to 6 classes so far due to scheduling conflicts. But in those 3 weeks, I have already lost an astonishing 10 lbs! And I know that it’s not just water weight — how can it be, when I drink an entire 1.5 liter bottle of water during each class?

I also feel much stronger, leaner, and my skin — oh goodness my skin! Nothing is better for your skin than sweating through workouts and drinking tons of water!

Now that my in-laws are back in town and they can babysit, I have decided to sign up for the unlimited monthly package. And I fully intend on taking full advantage of it, with the goal of losing my remaining baby weight and perhaps even more. Even if I never get back down to my pre-baby weight, I know that these classes are doing wonders for my health, both physically and mentally.

I honestly never thought I would love yoga this much. But here I am, a full convert!

Thank you all for all your kind comments and messages regarding my last post on depression.

I am doing better, but I believe that we are still a long ways to go to start feeling like my normal self again.

My therapist is encouraging me to partake in activities I once enjoyed, and to take up old (and perhaps some new) hobbies again. To carve out some time for myself each day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to do something that will be beneficial for my own well-being. And as we started to create a list of things I can do, I realized something:

I’ve missed blogging.

So I’m back. I can’t promise that I’ll blog every day like I used to, but I want to try. Because as I once told a good friend, even when things got so hectic and life seemed so chaotic, blogging was an activity I looked forward to because I had full control over it, and I knew that I was doing at least an okay job of it.

And to celebrate my return, I’ve decided to host a small giveaway —

One lucky winner will receive a Too Faced “The Naked Look” makeup palette!

I received this palette after trading in 500 Sephora Beauty Insider points. I always save up my points forever, waiting for something good to come along, and when I saw this palette as an available perk, I was immediately reminded of my Smashbox Perfectly Polished Lids Giveaway and decided to snatch it up for my readers.

According to the product description:

For a soft, sultry look, treat yourself to this universally flattering collection of Too Faced’s most popular makeup essentials. This five-piece set includes two luscious lip glosses, two shimmery eye shadows, and a luminous highlighter for a lit-within glow.

• Eyeshadow in Pink Cheeks (.03 oz) 
• Eyeshadow in Lap Dance (0.03 oz) 
• Lip Gloss in Pink Swan (0.04 oz) 
• Lip Gloss in Air Kiss (0.04 oz) 
• Shimmer Veil Highlighter (0.11 oz) 

This palette was created especially for Sephora and is a limited edition, so it is a must-have for makeup enthusiasts everywhere!

If you would like to see photos and swatches of each product in the palette, please visit I Know all the Words.

Now, for the giveaway…

To enter this giveaway, simply use the Rafflecopter widget below. Not sure how to use Rafflecopter? Watch this 52 second video for a tutorial on how to enter a giveaway using Rafflecopter. There are 4 methods of entry, with the first method (commenting on this blog post) being mandatory while the third method (Tweeting about the giveaway) can be used once per day:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This giveaway will end on Saturday, May 26th, 2012, at 12:01am, at which point a winner will be randomly chosen and announced here.

Please use a valid email address and/or Twitter handle so that I can contact you if you win!

Sorry, this giveaway is open only to residents of the United States.

Good luck, and thank you for entering!

My “big announcement” isn’t so much of an announcement as it is an update for those who read this and genuinely care about what has been going on in my life and what caused, and will continue to contribute to my absence from this blog.

My depression has returned. I am back on therapy and meds.

I am not entirely sure what caused my black hole of despair to return. Sometimes there really is no reason for depression — it is a horrible illness I would not wish on my worst enemy — but I do know that the past couple of years have been particularly rough on me, and the past few months have been some of the most trying on me and my family.

I knew that I needed help when I would start crying whenever I was alone. And because finding ANY alone time is so difficult these days, I would cry the most while in the bathroom. A hot blubbering mess in the shower? A regular occurrence. Sobbing while on the crapper? As pathetic as it sounds, this happened/happens all too often.

I knew that I needed help when I had a sudden urge to smack my child for being fussy. I have NEVER had violent thoughts toward my children before and this scared the crap out of me. I called J at work in tears, and asked him to come home immediately because I didn’t trust myself with the girls.

I knew that I needed help when just the act of getting out of bed became too unbearable to even think about. When I looked forward to each and every day with dread. When I failed to see joy in my children’s smiles. When I wanted SO badly to check myself into a mental institution and the only thing holding me back was knowing that we could not afford it.

I knew that I needed help when I began to have repeated and detailed thoughts of death and suicide and how much better off all my loved ones would be without me.

Both my psychiatrist and psychologist have told me that my getting out of bed, getting dressed and making it to their offices were courageous acts. They tell me that if I were not brave, I would have given in to the disease. I would not be taking care of my kids and trying to support my parents despite the fact that it physically pains me to even just sit up. When it takes all my energy to not be crying ALL the time.

But I certainly do not feel courageous.

And as much as I love my parents, even after all my struggles with depression in the past, they still questioned me when I finally confessed to them my condition: can it be that I’m just being overly dramatic, too pessimistic, too selfish, too irresponsible, and too lazy?

Who knows? Perhaps they are right. I am working hard to find the answer.

There has been sooo much going on in my life lately that I do not know quite where to begin.

First, my neck is recovering nicely. I am still in a bit of pain but it is nowhere near as bad as it was two weeks ago, and through acupuncture and chiropractic therapy I am even slowly regaining the reflexes in my right arm!*

My chiropractor tells me that I now only need to return to him if my pain worsens. As for acupuncture, I am continuing the sessions because our focus has now shifted to lessening my stress levels and trying to reverse the physical damages that it has already caused to my body. I am taking hanyak, the Asian herbal medicine, and receiving acupuncture sessions once a week.

Both doctors have strongly recommended yoga as a form of exercise, relaxation technique, and additional therapy for my back and neck. I have always found yoga to be boring in the past (I much prefer fast, high-impact routines), but then again I have only tried it by myself at home with DVDs and I now believe that being in a class setting with a licensed instructor may be more beneficial for someone like me. As such, I will begin yoga classes next week!

(I am also hoping that yoga will help me get back into shape. I know that it will not be a miracle worker, but here’s to hoping that it will be the first step toward getting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes.)

How do I make time to go to doctors and yoga classes with two young kids? While it may be true that me and the girls are staying at my parents’ and have three people — my parents and my sister — around for help, they all have work too. They have been rotating their schedules so that at least one person is home with me at all times, but this can get tremendously difficult and it always does not work out. Additionally, I still hardly ever get breaks (when both doctors tell me that I need as much rest as possible) because there’s usually one adult per baby.

So we have decided to send Claire to daycare, at least temporarily.

Right before I took this picture, I asked Claire, “How old are you?”

We have discovered that there is an in-home daycare just two houses down from my parents’! It has been running for over 15 years (funny how I never noticed it until now — despite my YEARS of walking and driving by it — and stupidly thinking that the people living there must be a large family) and has received pretty good reviews online.**

There are actually two facilities in our neighborhood, both run by the same woman: the first is for 3 to 5-year-olds while the other, the one that is closer to my parents’ house, is for 15-months to 3-year-olds. Coincidentally, the owner of the daycare met Claire on a walk the day before before I first contacted her, and had taken a liking to her almost immediately. She was very understanding and sympathetic to our situation, and thought that Claire would make a nice addition to her toddler class which currently consists of 10 children and 3 teachers.

So far, Claire is doing better than expected at her new “school.” (That’s what we’ve been calling it to her face, and it’s not too far from the truth because they do far more educational lessons and activities than I can currently provide for her at home.) It is undoubtedly a rough transition for our shy little girl, but we feel that this will benefit her in the long run, especially since most of the kids in her class are older than her and she can learn from them and be exposed to more advanced lessons.

We started Aerin on solids a couple of weeks ago and she’s been enjoying
them tremendously.

Living back at home has certainly been challenging for this married-with-two-kids woman. Sure, it is the same house that I grew up in and I still feel safe and comfortable here. But it is akin to moving back in with the ‘rents after being away for college, and the past two weeks have been full of compromises and adjustments for everyone in my family.

I also miss J very, very much.

At our 4-year anniversary dinner last week

I hope to be back soon with another big announcement, but it will have to wait a few days until people are met with and confirmations made. (No, I am not pregnant.)

I hope everyone has been doing well!

*Someone recently asked me why I sought out “alternative medicine” to treat my neck injury. I wasn’t sure exactly what to tell her (I think she thought I was a complete hippy — me! Ha!) and all I could say was that it just worked out that way. I already had an appointment with the chiropractor when the pain began, and I had already been going to the acupuncturist thanks to my parents’ urging. And since sessions with both “doctors” (I know some do not think chiropractors and acupuncturists are not really ”doctors” but I call them that because they both have medical degrees) were tremendously beneficial, I saw no need to seek out another.

**It may be bad manners to talk about money, but I have to add that daycare out here in the suburbs is almost half the price of what they charge in our neighborhood! AND they provide two meals and a snack!

Four years ago today…

Happy anniversary, my love. It’s been nothing short of wonderful.

Thank you to all who have been checking in with me. I am currently at my parents’ house with Claire and Aerin, and will stay here for at least a month. (J is living alone in our condo, driving up on weekends to spend time with us.) Things are expectedly very hectic as we adjust to our new living arrangements — e.g., no cribs for the girls — and life in the suburbs. I will try my best to return to blogging as soon as life slows down some.

Tomorrow is a big day for us as Claire and I will be checking out an in-home daycare just a few houses down from us. Wish us luck!