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Kicked in the Chest

Yesterday, I experienced one of the deepest disappointments in my experience of motherhood thus far. Yesterday, Claire got physically violent toward her younger sister. Aerin was trying to climb onto Claire's chair — the seat she practically considers to be her throne — and Claire expectedly became upset. She then proceeded to KICK Aerin. It wasn't so bad. It was more of a slow shove with the foot than an actual kick, and I was right behind Aerin so she fell into my lap. Aerin seemed unfazed by the event and went about as if nothing had happened. But while the kick/shove did not cause any physical harm to my younger daughter, I felt as if I had been kicked in the chest. J and I immediately...

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Sisters, Month 9

My mother tells me that when my sister was born, everyone predicted that we would become best friends because we were so close in age (we're 22 months apart). However, that turned out to be not the case because our personalities were soooo different. While we get along fine now, my sister and I didn't have the best relationship growing up. If we weren't fighting, we were ignoring each other, or doing completely different activities. In fact, we didn't begin to really talk to each other — by this, I mean engaging in meaningful conversations and confiding in each other — until we were both in our mid-twenties. My mother recently observed that Claire and Aerin also seem to have completely different personalities,...

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Strangers from the Past, Stories for the Future

One of the many side effects I experience from antidepressants is vivid dreams. I remember having some crazy dreams the last time I was on meds, and this time is no different. Luckily, the dreams are hardly ever terrifying. Excitement and thrills? Sure. Like the one I had recently about ancient Egyptian warriors taking over Times Square (yeah, even I had to laugh as I described it to J). But most are just very detailed, colorful, and stirring. Is there an underlying theme to my dreams? I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I would I have to say that the dreams I experience most these days are of the sexual sort. I don't think that I have ever dreamt of...

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Night and Day

This past weekend — at just shy of 9 months of age — Aerin finally sprouted her first two teeth. As I proudly ran my finger over Aerin's new incisors (and got repeatedly bitten in the process, as having her mother's finger shoved in her mouth is something that she obviously does not like), I couldn't help but think back to when Claire got her first teeth at 6 months of age. I had expected Aerin to get her first teeth at approximately the same age too, so the 3-month difference — which is quite large in a baby time — was yet another evidence of how differently my daughters grow, develop, and become themselves. One of the things I find most difficult...

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