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I Do Not Have PPD

In response to my last post, many people have suggested that I go see a doctor and be screened for PPD (post partum depression). And reading each one of those comments made me angry. I couldn't quite pinpoint the reason. They are just trying to be supportive — why the hate? Did my anger stem from their recognizing the ugly truth? Do I really have PPD? I took a cold hard look at myself. And I realized: no. I do not have PPD. If I had PPD, I would find no joy in my daughter's gummy smiles, explosive farts, and sudden bursts of laughter. If I had PPD, I would have little or no desire in taking care of my daughter. If I had PPD, I would...

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Last Week, I…

Quit breastfeeding. Had to choose between quitting cold turkey and gradually quitting (by cutting out one pumping/nursing session every couple of days). Decided that engorgement pain is preferable to the razor-sharp pain from thrush I get every time my right breast is emptied. Smelled like cabbage soup as I stuffed my bra with cold cabbage leaves to help with the engorgement. Drank sage tea and Coke to help kill my milk supply. Regretted quitting more than once as my breasts became rock-hard and throbbed with pain. Leaked through numerous nursing pads, bras, and shirts. Felt overwhelming guilt for not providing the best available nutrition for my child. Felt further burdened by "lactivists" online who likened formula to poison, who informed me that if...

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My Goth Baby (And More Breastfeeding Woes)

In my last post I asked if anyone could guess why my breastmilk has turned purple. Well, kalen, mlwindc, and LatteLove got it right: it is due to gentian violet, which I am using to treat our latest bout of thrush. While gentian violet is proven to be one of the most effective remedies against thrush, I had been reluctant to try it because of the ick factor, the "ick" being that it is messy. Gentian violet is a deep purple solution that seems to get everywhere once the bottle is open, and it is almost always guaranteed to stain fabrics permanently and skin temporarily. Before giving Claire a cotton swab of the purple stuff, I had dabbed her lips and area around her mouth...

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