Dear Baby, I had a minor scare last night when I couldn't find your heartbeat immediately on the fetal doppler. I had forgotten to check that you were still doing okay in my tummy before I left for Homecoming...

At my last OB appointment, the doctor wrote on the prescription for the 19-week anatomy scan (which will be May 13) that I am due 10/10. My first thought was to wonder if my chart had been switched with someone else's. Then I realized that she was taking the last early measurement of the baby, which helps calculate the due date before the 8th week (when the size of babies are most consistent with their age) if the date of the last menstrual period is not known. For the record, if we go by the date of my last period, my due date is 10/4. If we go by my 7th week ultrasound measurements, my due date is 10/10. But this can't be...

I have been avoiding my weekly updates for two reasons: We found out that we had lost our first baby at 12 weeks, so I wanted to make sure that "the jinxed week" would go by without a problem. As April approaches, I have been getting more and more depressed. I've been experiencing overwhelming guilt for doing this to the baby in my stomach, and I feel like a horrible mother. But lately, all the horrible feelings from my miscarriage has been rushing back and I am in a relapse of the grieving period. I am so, so sorry, baby. I apologize in advance if you end up reading this years down the road, and feel cheated of all the love and attention that...