Geek in Heels - Page 180

Aug 21, 2009 • In Comang, Cute, Funny, Personal

Elephant in the Bathtub

Second mystery of the day:

How did the puppy’s favorite toy end up in the bathtub?

I thought J put it there as a joke (we had just given the dog a bath) but he swears he didn’t.

Comang is a little guy – it is very improbable that he voluntarily placed the elephant into the bathtub.

My guess is that while “killing” the elephant (aka growling and shaking the poor little thing back and forth like a wild dog on Ritalin), the toy flew into the bathtub.

Or maybe the little guy decided that his favorite toy deserves a bath too.

Baby Gifts

I feel so incredibly lucky to have great friends who are as excited about the baby as we are!

We have already received two baby gifts in the mail. The first, a Care Bear from our friend Anna (who has an almost unhealthy obsession with Care Bears and says that we need to train the baby young!):

Thanks, Anna for our first baby gift! It really means a lot to us…I’ll be sure that it will be the first stuffed animal touched and hugged by the baby!

The second is the book Oh, Baby, the Places You’ll Go! A Book to Be Read in Utero:

I have always been a great fan of Oh the Places You’ll Go!, but have never heard of this baby edition. I love it!

The only problem is, there was no note or packing slip included with the packaging, so we have no idea who sent this to us.

Are you the mystery sender? Do you know who the mystery gifter may be?

You’re No Longer My Internet Friend

Pregnancy hormones are not fun. I have been extra-sensitive lately with the littlest things setting me off.

The latest in the series of dramas – some of which I’m sure are only in my head – involve a couple of internet friends. Recently I found out that someone I had considered a good friend (at least in internet standards) de-friended me on Facebook. I know she is still around, because I can see her commenting on others’ status updates, photos, etc. However, now she has set her settings so that I do not even have the option of requesting to be her friend again, let alone shoot her a message to see if something’s wrong.

Now, I have just discovered that another person I considered a friend has unfollowed me on Twitter. Not only has she un-followed me, she has blocked me.

What did I do wrong? Do I have an annoying internet persona? Did I write something that was offensive?

The beauty and the curse of the internet is the anonymity it allows its users. If these were people I knew in real life, I would know almost immediately if they were trying to shut me out of their lives. If these were people I knew in real life, I might try to hunt them down to see where the relationship turned sour. If these were people I knew in real life, I would at least have mutual acquaintances who could give their objective views.

Perhaps these people do have valid reasons for de-friending/un-following me. I only wish I knew the reason why. I feel like they took the cowardly route by choosing to ignore my existence with a few clicks of the button with no prior warning, with no way of getting in touch with them without the involvement of third parties (aka mutual friends/followers).

…Or maybe they weren’t my friends to start with.

Have you ever gotten upset over losing an internet friend?

The Blunt Man’s Plot Summaries

postmodernbarney.com has a list of movie and television show plot summaries that you will simply not forget. Here are my favorites:

300: Gays kill blacks.

8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.

BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.

BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.

DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.

DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.

DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.

DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.

DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.

FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.

FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.

FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.

GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.

THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.

HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.

JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.

KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.

KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.

LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.

THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.

THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.

RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.

ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.

STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.

STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.

STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.

TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.

WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.

Sorry my “favorites” list is so long – it was hard to choose just a few because they’re so funny! If you have some spare time and are in need of a good laugh, be sure to read through the entire list.

The comments are full of great suggestions too:

AMELIE: Introverted girl stalks OCD man.

AMERICAN PIE: Apple pie goes bad.

THE DEPARTED: White writers/director takes idea from Chinese cinema and win Oscar.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Brain damage brings lovers together.

FINDING NEMO: After his mother and all of his siblings are brutally murdered, a youngster is kidnapped on his first day of school.

FRIENDS: A divorced paleontologist stalks a high-school crush for 10 years.

GREASE: Innocent new girl in school becomes skank to win popular boyfriend.

THE ITALIAN JOB: Hour and a half Mini Cooper commercial.

JURASSIC PARK: Sex change ruins tourists’ vacation.

KNIGHT RIDER: Man talks to car without Bluetooth

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: Brokeback Mountain for short people.

OFFICE SPACE: Lazy office worker gets away with massive embezzlement with help from an arsonist.

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM: Drugs improve your life if you don’t overdo it.

THE SANDLOT: Neighborhood Gang Terrorizes Blind Man’s Dog.

SERENDIPITY: Fate destroys two happy relationships to create one.

THE SIXTH SENSE: Man refuses to vacate home of woman he is no longer married to, encourages young boy to talk to strangers.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS: Murderer denies guilt, is released.

WILLOW: Dwarf kidnaps, endangers infant

Woofer – When 140 Characters Isn’t Nearly Enough

Are you a verbose social media enthusiast?

Do you feel constrained and suffocated by Twitter’s 140-character maximum?

Do you ever start a tweet, only to be rejected by its imposing character maximum, shake your fists to the Twitter gods while shouting “Eff it! Who needs Twitter? I don’t!”… only to sheepishly return a mere hour later?

Because I certainly don’t.

Now there is a option for you: Woofer, which requires a minimum of 1,400 characters.

As you can see, I chose my first woof as The Declaration of Independence. I am DECLARING my INDEPENDENCE from Twitter…get it? Hardy har har!

Woofer is entirely designed as a novelty site. It even has a link at the upper right corner titled, “Is this Twitter?” Click on it to be taken to this amusing page:

I am curiously reminded of HugeURL.

Via The Next Web.

Resetting the Hope Diamond

I have always had a fascination with the Hope Diamond – not because I like jewels (I don’t), but for the gruesome deaths and bad luck in its history.

In celebration of the 50th anniversary of Harry Winston’s donation of the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian Institution, the infamous diamond will be reset into a different necklace design for the first time in over half a century…and the public will decide on the new design!

From August 17 – September 7, you’ll have the chance to be a part of history by voting on one of the three new setting designs. You can vote on the new design here.

To be completely frank I don’t like any of the new designs. The current setting is timeless and classic, and as representative of the Hope Diamond experience as the diamond itself.

Which setting do you like the best?

Fortunately, the change does not seem to be a permanent move. The Smithsonian has announced that the diamond in the chosen setting will be unveiled in Spring 2010, and after a limited-time exhibition it will be returned to its original setting.

I think that the best part of this announcement is that while the winning design is being created, the Hope Diamond will – for the first time in history – be displayed as a standalone diamond, free of a setting.

I haven’t seen the Hope Diamond since a school trip to D.C. in elementary school. I will surely keep tabs on the dates of the exhibitions so that I can make a trip to the National Museum of Natural History to see the famous diamond – naked, alone, and magnificent.

Via the Los Angeles Times.

Put This on Your Office Wall.

Via The Next Web.

Your Online Persona, Visualized

Those crazy folks at the MIT Media Lab have created a web application called Personas which maps out your online persona in the form of a stacked bar chart.

WHAT IS PERSONAS?
Personas is a component of the Metropath(ologies) exhibit, currently on display at the MIT Museum by the Sociable Media Group from the MIT Media Lab. It uses sophisticated natural language processing and the Internet to create a data portrait of one’s aggregated online identity. In short, Personas shows you how the Internet sees you.

HOW DOES IT WORK?
Enter your name, and Personas scours the web for information and attempts to characterize the person – to fit them to a predetermined set of categories that an algorithmic process created from a massive corpus of data. The computational process is visualized with each stage of the analysis, finally resulting in the presentation of a seemingly authoritative personal profile.

I’ve decided to try my name and “Geek in Heels.” Unfortunately, I couldn’t do “geekinheels” since it asks for a first and last name. Let’s see how the internet sees me… (click to enlarge)

Some of the keywords such as “education” and “medical” in my full name persona are surprising. But then again, my name is not truly unique.

The keyword that stunned me in my “Geek in Heels” profile was “aggression.” Do I seem that angry? Perhaps it’s all the exclamation points and the numerous things I find to b*tch about via the web? And how do I have such a large “military” presence on the web?

What is your online persona?

Via Miss Cellania.

Color Blindness Vision Simulator

Perhaps there is something wrong with me, but I think it’s fascinating that some people are color-blind.

Can you see the number in this Ishihara color vision test plate?

I’ve always wondered how different people perceive color – even those with normal vision. Taking this into consideration, a color-blind person would be a treat for me. I want to study them, analyze them, and have one-on-one color study discussions with them. It’s horrible, I know, but doesn’t a small part of everyone delve into morbid curiosities such as these?

Now, with the help of internet technology, I can now have a glimpse into the intriguing world of color blindness.

This Vision Simulator not only lets you see how different images look to those with color blindness, it gives options for the different types of color blindness along with statistics correlating to each instance.

In fact, its parent site Causes of Color is a fascinating read in itself – an orgy of enthralling information for color lovers like me.

Via haha.nu

Our First Visit to the Doctor

We had our first OB appointment today! Before I get to the fun stuff, check out this lovely conversation I had with J en route to the doctor…

Geek in Heels: So are you excited?

The Sperm Donor: Yes!!!

Geek in Heels:

The Sperm Donor: I have one next week, and another the week after that…I can’t wait!

Geek in Heels: What are you talking about?

The Sperm Donor: Fantasy football drafts! What are you talking about?

Geek in Heels: Our first doctor’s appointment.

The Sperm Donor: Ooh…

Geek in Heels:

The appointment itself was quick and painless. I thought I was about 6 weeks pregnant, but I guessed wrong…based on the size of the embryonic sac (that was all we could see), the doctor estimated that I’m only 4.5 weeks along.

We are scheduled for another appointment in 2 weeks, when the doctor should be able to confirm Tater Tot’s age and my due date.

(Per our friend Eva‘s suggestion, we have decided to call the baby “Tater Tot” until we decide on a name. Why Tater Tot? Because J’s nickname is, and has been for most of his life, Potatohead.)

The appointment has confirmed three things:

One
After doing some quick calculations, I discovered that there’s a good chance that the due date will be near or on our 2-year wedding anniversary. How cool would that be?!!

Two
I need to find a new OB. The doctor looked and sounded so much like the Asian doctor from the movie Knocked Up that we couldn’t help but snigger. How would you feel if this scene kept running through your head?

In addition, the staff was a bit rude. When I asked if I could keep the ultrasound picture, they said, “Why would you want to keep that? You can’t even see anything!” and just brushed me off.

Three
I need to really start taking care of myself and the baby. Everyone’s been telling me that I need to be careful, but I didn’t take much heed. I continued to climb up stairs, lift heavy objects, and even clean the bathroom while inhaling harsh chemicals. Seeing my baby on the screen was exactly what I needed. It’s time to start eating healthy, watch every step I take, and accept the fact that I will not be able to do a lot of activities I once so enjoyed. (And yes, cleaning the bathroom is something I enjoy…don’t judge me!)

Can you believe it? I’m going to be a mommy! Please keep me, Tater Tot, and J in your thoughts and prayers for the duration of this pregnancy!

Elephant in the Bathtub

You may also like:

Baby Gifts

You may also like:

You’re No Longer My Internet Friend

You may also like:

The Blunt Man’s Plot Summaries

You may also like:

Woofer – When 140 Characters Isn’t Nearly Enough

You may also like:

Resetting the Hope Diamond

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Put This on Your Office Wall.

You may also like:

Your Online Persona, Visualized

You may also like:

Color Blindness Vision Simulator

You may also like:

Our First Visit to the Doctor

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