I am no longer on bedrest. I still need to take it easy (ie, no heavy lifting, getting as much rest as possible, etc) until my next OB appt in two weeks — when hopefully we will find out BebeDeux’s gender! — but I am no longer confined to the bed. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
I actually quite enjoyed bedrest. Although I felt a bit bad for J, my SIL, and my mother who were all chipping in to help with Claire, it was a nice break for this pregnant and tired blogger. For all that, I am certain that I probably would have hated it if it lasted longer. I seriously don’t know how other pregnant women who are ordered to bedrest for months do it.
Lying in bed for a few days got me thinking about a lot of things. And one of those things has been my role as a SAHM.
I always thought that my being a SAHM would be the most beneficial to our family. But for the past couple of months I have seriously been reconsidering my position. I am thinking about going back to work, and leaving Claire and BebeDeux with a nanny (the daycares around our area are not that great). I know that I will most likely make less money than I had before, and that I will miss my children tremendously when I’m at work. But I feel that my health — both mental and physical — is really suffering as a result of my being a SAHM.
Because it’s not that I don’t love my children; rather, perhaps I care for them a little too much and/or is too sensitive to their emotions. After almost 8 months of being a SAHM, my heartrate still shoots through the roof whenever Claire cries. It physically pains me (I get uncomfortably tight feelings in my chest) whenever she is not happy — not just crying but not happy — and it’s just impossible to keep a child happy at all times, KWIM?
Additionally, my personality has me questioning if I’m really cut out to be a SAHM. When I was employed, I had complete control over my work. I got feedback on whether I was doing a good job or not. As a SAHM, I don’t.
Be that as it may, I am afraid that if I do return to work, I will not be able to give it my all. Both the supervisors at my two previous jobs have told me that I have been the best employee at those positions — and commended me various times for the efficiency and quality of my work. I fear that if I were to return to work with two babies at home, I will not be able to put in the caliber of work for which I can take pride. And I know that my half-assing it would not be fair to my employer or myself.
And all the problems I had described above about being a SAHM? They won’t disappear if I return to work. I may have less exposure to them, but they will not be solved by any means.
Luckily this pregnancy gives me at least a few more months to think about this decision.
I have read many stories of mothers who chose to quit their jobs in order to become SAHMs, and couldn’t be happier with the result. I wonder if there are as many SAHMs who chose to return to work and are just as happy with their decisions?