Dear Tater Tot,
Today I would’ve been 21 weeks pregnant with you. I would’ve officially passed the halfway mark, would undoubtedly have a sizeable bump, would know your gender, and have felt you moving inside of me.
Yesterday was my 29th birthday. I did not have a candle to blow out, but if I were granted any wish in the world I would ask for you to come back to me. My only condolence lies in knowing that I will meet you, one day, when “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
I love you, and I miss you so very much.
I know that nothing anybody could ever tell you will ever take away the pain for what you’ve gone for you but I just wanted to let you know that you’ve been kept in the family bedtime prayers because of your loss and I think it’s amazing how open you’ve been about what you are going through. My best friend miscarried what would have been her only daughter a couple of years back and it never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people have been with their commentary even to this day regarding her loss. A baby is a baby is a baby and nobody will ever understand it as completely as a mother does. I hope the silver lining of this situation will reveal itself to you soon enough.
Thank you so much for your comments, ladies, and Andrea — your prayer support is the best I can ask of anyone!
I think this was the first blog entry that MADE me cry while I was writing. I have been doing a lot better, but there are days (like yesterday) when I really had to push myself to go forward with the day. Receiving support, even just virtually, means a lot to me. So thank you once again.
I’m still so very sorry for your loss. What made me think though, was a thought my sister had. She said that she thought that lost babies go back to Heaven – and that babies came from there in the first place. So, a) maybe the baby wasn’t ready or I wasn’t ready, but maybe would come back in another pregnancy, or b) maybe my lost babies were keeping my sticky babies company until they arrived.