Feb 23, 2011  •  In Baby, Funny, Motherhood, Parenting

Taking #2 for Granted

A couple of weeks ago, we had some friends come visit with their (almost) 2-year-old girl. As the men engaged in their own conversation, the fellow mom turned to me to ask how I was adjusting to life with Claire.

“Things were rough in the beginning, but it’s certainly getting better. It’s amazing how much your life changes once you have a baby. Even taking a dump has become a timed sport.”

Don’t ask me why I used my dookie as an example. I guess that’s just the way my mind works.

I heart Randy Marsh. I am continually telling J that he must act exactly like him when our kids get older.

“I’ve almost trained my body to only do #2’s in the evenings, when J is home,” I bragged. “Or I try to hold off as long as I can until the baby’s sleeping. If it’s an emergency and I have to go THAT moment, I strap Claire into the Baby Björn and actually poop while wearing her.”

I took a sip of water, quite pleased with myself.

“Psh, you’re making it so much harder than it needs to be,” my friend told me. “Until my baby could roll over, I just placed her on the bed and kept the bathroom door open so that I can keep an eye on her while I was pooping. After that, I put her on the bathroom floor. And when she started crawling, I just put her in the bathtub. Even now, I put her in the tub and give her some crayons and tell her things like, ‘What a pretty flower, honey!’ while I’m pushing.”

We both had a good laugh over the conversation, and I reminded myself to try out my friend’s more relaxed approach to pooping with a baby.

And wouldn’t you know it? Claire did just fine playing in her activity gym while I did my business with the door open a few feet away.

How do other moms do #2’s with an infant?

(I realize that this post may be entirely too TMI to some readers. And for that, I apologize. 😎 )

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12 Responses to “Taking #2 for Granted”

  1. Ruby says:

    OMG! I’m not even a mom and this post was hilarious on so many levels! I know those are going to be the same kinds of issues I’d face as a mother! I have absolutely NO clue how much one needs to monitor a child and am so paranoid whenever I watch the young’uns of my friends/family. Other people seem to posess this ba-dar that I just don’t have, I’m so awkward and worried if I even peel my eyes off the lil tyke for a moment they’ll bonk their head and be damaged forever. Beyond that, taking time for pooping and planning it with the execution of a airport ground-team is just hilarious.

    Great post and great picture!

  2. Mina says:

    it’s not tmi, i love it! these are the things the books and lots of people don’t tell you!

  3. Stephanie says:

    Ha ha ha ha!! Awesome!

    I did exactly what your friend described- bed, floor, tub. We’ve now babyproofed an entire room so I’ll leave them in there. Or I’ve stuck them in their cribs!

    Pooping is serious business!

  4. Molly says:

    I have a 25 month old and a 7 month old. I put the 7 month old somewhere safe- pack n play, crib, exersaucer, whatever. The 25 month old follows me everywhere; she always wants to part my legs and watch. The books say to encourage this as a sign of potty training interest. What can I say. They have to learn somehow.

  5. Christine says:

    I have an odd metabolism and have to have BMs at least 3-4 times a day. From the beginning, I would just put him on the bouncer or in his tot pod and go to the bathroom. When he learns to be more mobile, I’ll probably stick him in the crib for a bit.

  6. Balebusta says:

    Hilarious! I also wonder about showers? Allegedly when I was a baby I would cry if I wasn’t in the same room with my mother so she brought my bassinet into the bathroom every time she showered.

  7. Rachael says:

    It’s hilarious because it’s true. I would just leave my baby and leave the door open if I was home alone. Now, he’s 9 months old and I usually bring him with me and he plays on the bathroom floor with tub toys or whatever.

  8. Sarah S. says:

    Wow, I had never thought about this before! I actually feel slightly more prepared for motherhood now.

  9. Esther K says:

    LOL~ SOOOO FUNNY because I totally understand what you’re going through! Sometimes it feels like “damn, the only place I can get some alone time is on the toilet and even then, the kids wont let me close the door on them” Before they started crawling, I left them in the crib just a few feet away with the door wide open. And now that they’re both walking, the kids demand to leave the door wide open for them to go in and out.

  10. Sandy says:

    That’s HILARIOUS!! Yes, we all do it…I mean what are you supposed to do? I would take him in the bathroom with me and either let him lay on the floor (before he could sit) or play with his tub toys on the bath mats (now that he can sit). Once he gets older, I will DEFINTELY be using the strategy of putting him in the tub to keep him contained! Genius!

  11. Carol says:

    Wow, I never thought of something like this!
    BTW, I was eating (chili cheese fries, at that!) and was not phased at all. LOL. Must be the ghetto Korean in me that’s not disgusted about poo talk!

  12. This is so hilarious! I mean.. how else are we suppose to learn about these things unless we talk to each other right? Too funny. I can’t wait to experience this frustration, get over it, and finally get to look back in laughter. Nice post!

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